Three of Wands & Moth / Surrender - It'll be better if you ASK FOR HELP in Weight Loss Surgery

I felt the urge to include one of the animal cards as well. Maybe I’ll do it forever going forward. Maybe it’ll only be one day.

I got the three of Wands & Moth / Surrender card.

The three of wands is someone with their back to us standing at a cliff looking out into the ocean. There are boats sailing. Few small mountains in the distance. Yellow sky reflecting the water yellow. The person is holding a wooden staff with leaves sprouting (wand) and there is a staff on either side of him, those are the three.

I believe the sprouts are the staff are to symbolize new beginnings.

I don’t know how I feel about this card. I can’t tell if this person is sad or not, watching the boats. I thought this card had something to do with delegating, as if this person stayed behind to let the others go. Maybe this person is the leader watching his soldiers go to fight on his behalf. It looks like the person is seeing them off, not welcoming them back.

In the book the three of wands (I flipped right to it right away which just confirms this is the right card) is a merchant watching his ships come into port and he feels accomplished. It symbolizes hope, negotiation, and partnership.

That sounds great to me. I don’t know why I was worried about it but I am a worry wart.

This card is also about letting go - which ties in with the moth of surrender. This merchant has let go of people and items he loves and trusting that they’ll be ok and they have returned successfully. This is also an era where he can’t GPS them, or text them, etc. He just has to trust that everything will be ok and that they will follow his instruction without him needing to be over their shoulder.

About the moth, the book says let go of your compulsions and vices (hello overeating). Practice moderation and invite the emotions you are distracting yourself with by your vices.

I listened to a youtuber just this morning who was talking about tackling your “shadows” and he said to really think about your biggest hang up. What are your fights about? What needs are not being met?

The first thing that came to my mind is appreciation / recognition.

I am always seeking that - from Will and from work. I work hard and I’m too humble to ask for it but I desperately want to be noticed for my contributions.
Validate me!

I’m sure everyone wants this but it’s a BIG hang up for me. I don’t know if I over eat because I feel unappreciated but probably, since I eat for everything.

Bringing it way back, I guess it’s what I lacked in childhood. Everything I did was expected. My mom (and I guess yours too) didn’t feel the need to show appreciation for something they thought you should already be doing.

I don’t exactly believe in babying kids and giving them awards for every little thing they did but I do think I had more pressure and responsibility than my peers because my dad wasn’t there, my mom worked, once my grandmother was gone there really was no help, I was expected to just know that my mom needed help with my sister and do it.

I wasn’t forced to cook, or even clean all that much besides my own room and maybe some dishes and laundry (in the basement of an NYC building where homeless sleeping in the stairways and basement was a regular thing - I was scared), but I was expected to keep my sister alive when we were alone at maybe 9 and 6. I was expected to walk my sis home from school and basically keep the house neat, make sure we both did our hw, and keep her alive to my mom came home.

And it wasn’t easy - she was adventurous and nuts, always moving / climbing. Plus my mom was angry a lot so there was a lot of fear and pressure. I was a kid and felt like I was walking on eggshells. I had no idea what would make her mad. Plus I’ve always been forgetful so it seemed like most days she was annoyed at us for Something. Something I forgot to do or not do.

It was stressful.

But I did it! I was obedient, I got good grades, I controlled my wild sister as much as I could and she is alive to this day!

And I never really got a thank you from her. Or “good job” or anything like that. It was just expected.

And I knew that not all my friends were living this way. I often wished I was bold enough to say “This is not my daughter and I want to hang out after school with my friends and I shouldn’t get in trouble when she won’t do her homework or when she makes a mess that she won’t clean up. I didn’t have 2 kids with a loser that wouldn’t help us. I’m being punished for something that isn’t my fault!”

I felt that for a long time. I was doing my best and it wasn’t recognized. I know plenty of you can related.

So now, in my jobs, when I work hard and I get nothing in return I get extremely resentful because I know I am trying - even when I’m fucking up every day - I am TRYING. And effort should be rewarded or at least acknowledged.

Thank God this job is full of appreciative people. I’ve never been complimented more in my LIFE. And it keeps me going! It is my fuel!

And in my relationships with my friends, I get super pissed when I try to create a gathering or collect info for someone with a problem and they don’t act appreciative.

Take my sister with this whole domestic violence situation. I researched so much shit. I called the DV hotline and got info for her. I spoke to a DV advocate. I tried to advise her. I tried and tried and she basically blew me off. And then I told her that I hope he beats her face in since she won’t do anything for herself.

I stopped myself short of saying I hope he hurts Emma just so she finally takes this all seriously.

And I KNOW that’s AWFUL to say or think. But the thing is, he does treat Emma too rough - mentally and physically and now he’s doing it to my sister too. Maybe my sister will still do nothing if he gives her a black eye, but what if he gave Emma a black eye? Is that what it’s gonna take for you to stand up to him?!? That’s how pissed I get.

In the end I think he knows he crossed a line and has stayed away this week. I haven’t really heard of any arguments. Thank God!

And then with Will - a lot of our fights are due to me feeling under appreciated.
This man lived alone at one point. He knows how to clean a house, dishes, laundry, etc.
Does he do it though? Not really.

So he comes home to food in the fridge, dishes to put it on, clothes to wear, etc. And I don’t really get a thank you… I mean maybe not verbally. I’m sure if I asked him he would say he buys me things and blah blah blah. I mean, he does do the garbage consistently so I should thank him for that.

Well so anyway, back to tarot.

I’m not really releasing my bad habits… I’m just waiting on my ship to come in (the surgery). So maybe I should try that (again). At least for this weekend and week until my appointment.

After some more soul searching I feel like that three of wands also means I don’t have to do it all myself. In regards to my weight, I’ve taken on this challenge alone - and have been failing. But now that I’ve decided to reach out to a doctor’s group to help me with my weight, it’s like those are the little ships working on my behalf. They are helping me with my goal. And everything in that card is successful so it helps me believe that my process will be successful too.

Last updated December 20, 2020