Living Lessons in Life

This will probably be a light entry but as my mood is on a significant up-take I’m doing a quick look back on things that have helped me improve and get over a spike.

Recognition is great in theory but I feel like there’s may of us out there who recognize without issue. Any of us can go “yes, I am in a shit mood and it’s lasting a long fucking time” that’s not the difficult part.

The difficult part was waking up at 5am, when it was 5 degrees out (Celcius) and strapping on my skates for the first time and getting my ass kicked by light physical activity. That’s the hard part. There’s always the easy ‘I’ve heard it all before’ check list that won’t work for everyone but it worked well for me and maintaining it is my new ‘hard part’

But the cliche’s are: Get outside, be active. Drink water, eat healthy. Sleep regularly (I still struggle with this currently) and know when to stop.

Knowing when to stop is the big one for me because too often do I dive into something and just go headstrong (back off I’ll take you all on, headstrong can take on anyone. You’re welcome, enjoy having that stuck in your head) and keep going until I burn out and hate what I was doing.

This is something I’m focusing on heavily in my creative pursuits right now. I have a pretty clear moment, I’ve noticed, when my mind is just like “Okay lets do something else” and stopping right THERE has been a big improvement for wanting to go back to something later. As I work on more DnD stuff and maps and tiddly little shit like that that’s very detail oriented there’s impulses that are like “Okay work on the map, okay now stop working on that and write, okay I’m bored of this lets play video games” and I’ve found by responding to that impulse I’m a) getting more done in a day b) Not ‘craving’ doing something else while I’m spending time with my daughter and c) getting much more quality time with my daughter which has reduced the stress levels in the house significantly.

As for that CBD drink that I had last night ( https://ocs.ca/products/cbd-iced-tea-basecamp ) It was very interesting. I drank it down around 430 while I was making dinner and had dinner and the sorts, after dinner I went out onto the balcony for a bit because Pam was on her phone and I was just… sitting there bored of watching that. (really I think she’s on her phone way too much but it’s easier to judge than to… less ye be judged… or something) so I went out onto the Balcony with Elly and left her to play on her phone or whatever and we just sat there, played with sticks and boots and it was very relaxing. Eventually Elly went in and I stared out over the world (which is a main street so a lot more fences than ‘world) but after a bit I found myself just silently staring at a tree not really thinking about anything, just clear of mind.

When I came in I told Pam that I could really feel it kicking in and it wasn’t a “high” or anything like that but rather it was just a ‘lack of’ I would say. It really quashed my anxiety and quieted down my needless thinking a bit. I would say it wasn’t like a Zen experience but rather that I just knew I wasn’t worried about anything. It’s not something I want to rely upon because I worry about that level of reliance but I would 100% keep a bottle or two around for those times where I know I have to put myself into an anxious state, like seeing family or something like that where I want to not be a basket case.

After that I sat down and worked on the DnD stuff for about an hour or so I want to say until around 9pm then I stopped cuz I felt like I wanted to stop, like I was getting bored and I went to bed to read. It was very peaceful and relaxing and… it’s like if (and this is a terrible image) I was mentally constipated and the CBD kinda cleared out the blockage. I feel much better today, probably on part of being on the up-tick but I’m still deciding how to move forward.

Do I get the CBD Gel’s and take it daily? Or do I just have it around for when I need it? I think I’m to the point now that when this is all over I’m going to seek out therapy/doctor opinions so that I can have an informed choice in front of me and not a Dr. Google prescription.