Shotgun Motivation in Life

Is that a term? I feel like that should be a term we use widely. Let me google this real quick… It’s not a thing apparently but it brought up a lot of Articles on shotguns so I’m probably on some sort of watch list now so that’s fun.

My biggest… well, one of my biggest, problems is that I can’t bottle motivation. I get motivated. And then, like a lot of other people, I encounter a small obstacle or create a small obstacle and I’m done. It’s like I get motivated and shotgun the bottle, do a couple things and I’m left standing there in a puddle of spilled motivation and a lingering regret as I walk away from the idea and carry on with my life, leaving a sticky residue of what was.

As I go through this identity issue (no longer a crisis as I seem to be digging deeper and finding more and more that I need to deal with) I’m left wondering what it means to know who I am. Is it something that I’ve ever felt or was I always chasing some shadow of who I once was.

Is this an issue where I’ve peaked and now everything else is a downward tumble into monotony?

I’d like to think it’s not the latter because that’s just fucking depressing. I like to believe that we never hit a peak that we can’t conquer later on in life. I may not peak again until I’m 60 and finally decide to get my Red Seal and whatever else comes along with that certificate, not to mention the uncertainty of the world these days it’s really hard to do the “where will you be in 5 years” trope.

… I don’t think I edited my last entry… I am so sorry for anyone who chose to read through that.

I think what I really need to focus on, moving forward, is finding out who I feel like I should be, not who I want to be, but who I think I am.

Where’s my creativity gone, when’s the last time I helped someone or gave advice.

When’s the last time I felt like I was Me?