"THE ONE?" in "LIFE IN THE TIMES OF CORONA"

What makes a soulmate? Is it the one you’ve always known, the one you’ve seen in your dreams – your ideas of a partner? Is it a dream come true – or a nightmare you’ve somehow chosen to deal with…or perhaps, a mashup of both? Is it a stranger, slowly getting familiar, hoping to stay with you for the rest of your lives?

Are they staying (or at least willing or trying to) for the rest of your lives? What happens if they walk away before they die first? Can they still be called a soulmate? What if there is a lot of hurt – and perhaps more irreversible damages – in the process, throughout the journey together? Will you still think of them as ‘The One’? Will you still forgive them, even with no guarantee that they’re willing to change for the better – either for your sake, theirs, or perhaps both?

Of course, such expectations must go both ways. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair. What is fair, though? Is it really always 50-50? Must one always sacrifice before the other? Does it even matter?

You’ll probably one of those who wonder if you have found The One. Perhaps you are – and somehow still wondering the same thing. If you believe that they are The One, then how fortunate. Congratulations – and I’m saying this sincerely.

Me, on the other hand, has a completely different idea.

I’m wondering if they are human…or monsters…

Perhaps you’re wondering why. Perhaps you’re the kind to accuse me of being so negative all the time. I’ve heard it all before. You’ll probably tell me to have some faith and keep it. Not all of them are bad. Some of them are good. There’s one for everyone. I’ll just have to believe that it’s still worth it – and I also deserve it.

The question is, how do I know? How can I tell the difference? Nobody has that ability, remember? Unless you’re some sort of a clairvoyant (although it’s not 100% accurate either, since 100% always belongs to only God), you can’t always guess until the day it’s too late. You have no choice but to take that risk anyway. It’s like a flip of a coin, a roll of a die. You can spend some time getting to know them, without the ability to guess – whether it’s really them or just the role they’re playing. Is it really their smiling face or just a mask?

I’ve seen a lot of ugliness in this department that I have second thoughts about the idea once again. Do I want to? Hell, yeah. Am I afraid? Believe me, once you have seen, heard, and experienced the darker side of romance, you’d probably be afraid too.

Are they The One for you? I’ve heard a lot of stories about The Ones Who Didn’t Do It Right. The One who had given empty, false promises at the altar or in front of your parents. The One who had appeared charming, like from a sweet dream – until their mask fell off and showed their true colours. Oh, what a monster…

Well, even if they have tried their best (or so they claimed), some things still didn’t sit right with you. I’ve heard unfortunate tales about The Ones who wouldn’t support you or stand up for you when their own family kept humiliating you in public – making you feel like you’d never be good enough for any of them. They may have claimed that they’d only meant well, but…who are we kidding, right? The true intention always shows.

There’s nothing wrong with having families and relatives staying close to you and (supposedly) The One. It’s a different story when they interfere so much that it gets overbearing and frustrating. I’ve heard stories of – no, I’m not going to sugarcoat the terms here – The Nasty In-Laws verbally abusing you, both in private and in public.

Let’s say, it’s been ages since you and The One have tried to have children. They may claim to be (more?) religious than you. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they have the best attitudes. In fact, they think it’s okay to humiliate you in public, blaming you for your inability to have children.

If they claim to be that religious, shouldn’t they know that – aside from human effort – having children is more about God’s decision? How could they blame other human beings for something beyond anyone’s control?

Of course, let’s not forget The Ones Who Played Tricks On You. The One who convinced you that you were the only, when – behind your back – they were also willing to be with anybody. They may have lost count on how many hearts they’ve played around and broken in the end.
The reason many people – especially women – are afraid of the end of a relationship is this: they get all the blame. Somehow, women are more demanded to keep love alive – no matter what. Who cares if they feel dead on the inside? Why does it have to be like that?

You’re so stupid. You should’ve seen it coming. You should’ve known.

Maybe they would’ve stayed if you’d tried harder, treated them better. How could you have been with the one like that? If you had chosen someone else, things might be…

And how the hell would anyone know, unless you were a clairvoyant? How would you know that the one who claimed to want to spend the rest of their lives with you turned out to be a monster to other beings like you? Imagine the horror when you learned that they committed some heinous, unspeakable crimes to little children too.

Because of this, many have been more careful when giving the next try…and the next…and the next. They’ve also become more selective when sharing their stories, showing how they feel. It’s not worth it if they’ll only get laughed at or blamed in the end – especially if the same thing happens again. Nobody wants to make mistakes, but oftentimes they’re hard to avoid. You’ve been so careful and they still think it’s not enough. They think you should be smarter next time, yet they call you out for being paranoid when you tell them you need some time before you can start trusting another soul again with your heart.

Basically, you can never win with them, so you decide not to bother. Let them all think whatever the hell they like about you. You’re done explaining. You’ve been done feeling like you ought to.

So, what makes a soulmate? The title is not an easy job for anyone, not even you. To simplify the term (without too much expectation nor stupid fairy tale references), it’s probably the one willing to stay and make things work with you – no matter how hard it is. If they leave for whatever reason besides death, the title should probably be removed. Let’s be realistic.

You’ll probably find out if they’re really The One, only when one or either of you is about to die – and the other wishing you a peaceful transition, before your journey to the other side.

Call me a cynic as you like. Others may still wonder and believe in The Soulmate Theory. I just have to make sure I’m safe, not letting another monster in…

Well, hopefully…

R.