threats. and ug. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so. um............the day my now-ex threatened me. ok this was like. 6 yrs. ago or so. we did not. have an argument about sex. contrary to what at least my sister thinks. they think. that we had an argument about sex but that’s not what happened. no we were in bed my bed and...........i. right now i can’t detail. the middle part. but after i did what i did. no did, not said. he threatened me. no and i mention this bc. on sat. when my sister brought it up. it seems everyone there thought that’s how it happened how things went down. no my mom wouldn’t’ve gone over and talked to him my ex about it. bc she didn’t find out till after. i don’t think i would’ve told them about that. when he & i were together. and i don’t want to think i would’ve. i don’t remember doing so.........i know i told Mark. right bc i completely trust him and i know he won’t get involved in a thing like that.
i haven’t bothered to correct them bc a. i don’t want to do that to my mom. i don’t want to hear that’s the reason she can’t sleep.....................god i just. no. and again. as i’ve said. i won’t open up to my sister.
maybe. one day she’ll find someone who trusts her. sorry by which i mean my sister. but it won’t be me right now. there are 7 billion people in this world give or take last time i checked so. ya know. or not ya know. w/ the kindof person she is. apparently. i don’t see why i should feel responsible for that.
clearly. she has a lot to learn about loyalty. trust. confidentiality. respect. privacy. i. i don’t. old-fashioned values. i.............i don’t think i have much more to learn about responsibility. but at times. i should practice it more. i’ve gotten. a lot better...........like a lot better w/ it btw. being responsible. not.............not always but at least i’m honest about it. that’s an old-fashioned value.
and maybe it’s fine. that it won’t be me.
what a terrible position to put someone in. for them to feel like they have to choose. between anger and compassion 2 complete opposites. i’m angry w/ my sister that’s why. i don’t want to be compassionate towards her. for something that............ [for what? please don’t ask.]. like i should be compassionate towards her for an unrelated reason. but i don’t want to be. like i’m sorry and maybe that’s bad. maybe that’s terrible i don’t know. if i were i would forget that i’m angry and everything would be fine. and it would be like ‘oh it’s all ok’. no. it’s not. it’s weird. cause i’m such a compassionate person. untill...............someone breaks my trust. and then. ya know. that’s it for a long time. but it’s not fair to put me in that position and it’s a terrible position to put someone in.
i wish she hadn’t told us. on sat. the thing that she told us. the thing i can’t go into. cause now. wow.
it’s just. it’s a lot ya know? i deserved better that day. may 13 2013. both myself and my friend. and and evan. we both deserved better. we deserved respect. and acknowledgement. and ...........and compassion and kindness. and a fukin chance for either of us to explain our sides! at the time i don’t think either of us was given that. and we deserved warmth.
all are welcome. yeah cause i’m an accepting person very. but other then that..........my sister’s not. i will not. she.............she.................um.................oh. right i got it. she’s not welcome into my personal affairs. my personal life. my life in general yeah cause i love her. but as for personal deep dark stuff? no.
[so don’t let her be.]. not like it’s complicated. no i know. but as for now. i’m just waiting for her to bring it up. to see what my response my verbal response will be. call it morbid curiousity. so. now it’s the waiting game.