:/ in Going public

I’m having throat infection issues again. Honestly it’s been happening off and on for a few months, but the last couple weeks it’s been more clearly a problem. I’m soo weird about medical / heath stuff. On one hand I am pretty paranoid about all of it, but on the other hand I’m never convinced I ever have a problem worth getting help for. The time last year when I went to the hospital I had to have multiple friends encourage me to even make the call to my doctor.

Literally every day this week I’ve told myself I’d call the doctor ‘tomorrow’ if I still had symptoms. So clearly I’m a weenie about calling the doctor, and especially that doctor’s office, and especially during COVID. So because of that and because I’m a millennial, I shot him a message and attached some photo evidence. Who the hell knows what happens next.

I generally hate puzzles, but today my friends and I started fixing puzzles together with https://jigsawpuzzles.io/ and it’s been pretty fun! It’s really relaxing and satisfying, you can easily organize the pieces and not have to lean over a table to see everything. When you put a piece in the right place, it snaps in place and can’t be bumped around. You can see what the other people are doing in real time, too. Little things like that give me peace in this time of isolation. Even though I wasn’t voice chatting with them at the same time, just having that presence there.. doing the same thing that I was doing.. was nice.

Andrew texted me again today :/ He wrote me to say that he “thought it would be nice” to tell me that he got a perfect score on his mock interview (he’s currently doing a coding bootcamp and preparing for job interviews). The poor guy is still hoping he can have me to be his person - the person who is his cheerleader, his emotional support, his friend. But I don’t want to be his friend, I don’t think anything good would come of that. I just… didn’t answer him. I could have texted back explaining why we should cut communication and how it would be better for both of us, but I’m sick of explaining how to be an adult to him.

I don’t know how long it’s been now, but I have been in an awful pattern of staying up really late every single night (2 or 3 am typically). Right now I’m wrapping up some work I neglected earlier (my code is building, so I’m writing here to pass the time), but hopefully I can get to bed soon.