Middle of the night.... in These titles mean nothing.

It’s 4:30 and I’m wide awake. This is the second time I’ve been up and about and resorting to the computer for solace. First time I went to YouTube and watched!! a podcast about The Sopranos. Apparently two of the actors - Michael Imperioli (Christopher) and someone else are doing an insiders conversation for each of the eighty-some episodes. This was their takes on the first episode - the pilot. It had some insights into the show, the actors, creator Chase and the careers of actors. I enjoyed it but don’t plan to watch any more.

Then I went back to bed and tried to sleep. I tried meditation. I have one meditation I remember - it’s about the senses. What can I hear, see, smell, touch, taste - right now. It can be circular. When you get done with one round you can go on to another. They did not work to put me to sleep. So here I am. Bright eyed and bushy tailed and it’s a lot earlier than I have to get up. Not that I have to get up at any time. I am free to sleep as much or as little as I want. Lucky me.

I found myself thinking of Bobby. I wonder if he thinks of me. Perhaps a survey is in order.

The Bobby Survey

1. Are you still alive? (If not, please excuse the rest of the questions.)

2. What are you doing?

3. Who are you doing it with?

4. Do you ever think of me?

5. If so, does it please you to think of me?

I guess that’s it. I doubt very much if Bobby will show up to answer the questions. That’s ok. I’m over Bobby. Except sometimes in the middle of the night when I don’t have anything else to think about.

I made some tentative monthly resolutions earlier last night. I thought I would try them for a few days before the end of the month. If I like them, if I think they make me a better person, or a more happy one, I will extend them into May and see if I can hold them for a month. A month is a nice unit of time. Significant but not overwhelming.

1. Stop playing solitaire on the computer. (I think it’s wearing my display out and I’m just wasting too much time. The other stuff I do on the computer is a waste of time too, but I’m just focusing on solitaire for now. )
2. Walk up to Joana’s every morning soon after I get up. (It would be nice to check on her, to soften up my relationship with her. It would take some of the pressure off Jim. It would give me some much-needed exercise. )
3. Write every day in my blue notebook.

I bought groceries today. Another $200 day. I wore my home-made sock mask - it’s quite comfortable but it must look awful because at the check out the store manager caught up to me and gave me two very nicely tailored cloth masks - reversible - blue print to beige print, elastic ear straps - he said they had plenty. I’m not sure if I’m embarrassed or grateful. Both, I guess. There were more other people in masks today than there were in the last few weeks, a lot of employees and maybe half the customers. Food still seemed in good supply - limits on toilet paper but otherwise you could get whatever you wanted.

Jim read somewhere that the shortages - toilet paper and others - have to do with out supply chains. There are two rivers of supply - private and institutional/commercial. Private is us, the people who buy stuff in small quantities in stores. Institutional/commercial is restaurants, schools and factories or big buildings. The large users have separate streams of same products, and now since we aren’t going to school, work, or out to eat, the amounts needed at home increase. It takes repackaging an rerouting to get the same number of eggs and toilet paper, etc. to people who are at home.

I read a restaurant in Cedar Rapids had bought a thousand pounds of rice and were repacking it in one pound bags to give to a food pantry. Very early on, in my own town, the car repair body shop had ordered a large number of plastic gloves - through their ordinary sources, and had given some to the hospital and had others available to anyone who wanted to stop and pick them up. They and other businesses including the car dealers had bought a bunch of gift certificates to the local restaurants and were giving them away. The restaurants are closed of course but they are having take out specials.

Anyway. I wonder how what the world will be like when this is over, if it’s ever over. Casual closeness, casual trips, casual anything - all might be over. We still have our calves. They are not ready to eat - someone needs to buy them and feed them and then sell them in 6 or 8 months. I would think by then we would be back to what passes for normal. We can hold them - we have pasture, but not enough, so we would have to feed them as well.

And now the packing plants are closing - maybe we will all be vegetarians. But please eat my beef first.

Yes the world might be better - different for sure - if we no longer ate meat or animal products. Would it be better if we all home schooled our children - for ever? Would it be better if we gave up casual touching - no hugs, huh? Would it be better if we stayed home except when we had to go somewhere? Would it be better if we didn’t work and the government just sent us checks? Would it be better if we all wore masks when we left the house? And washed out hands a dozen times a day?

Maybe. Maybe that’s our dystopia. Maybe it all blends together until we are dead and the planet is clean. The canals in Venice, the air on Los Angeles, sparkling clear. Even in such a short time. Imagine......