Bullshit friends. in Since OD is shutting down....

I just have to write about Saturday night since it still bothers me. Okay so I don't hear from R all day and I was just happy hanging out at home, cleaning and doing my own thing. Well I take a nap about 7pm and decide shortly after that I wanted to go to bed. She calls about this time and wants to go to dinner. I had said something a few days prior to taking her dinner and what not but really didn't feel like going because I had just woken up and didn't want to go anywhere. Well, instead of just saying that she comes and picks me up. She decides we are gonna go to Chili's. So, the entire time we are at dinner she's on her phone either Facebook, talking to people or playing games. I basically sat there and talked to myself the entire time. The waitress asks if we we separate checks and she lets me answer and I said together. Well then the check comes, and I hand her my debit card and right away after my friend said she would have paid for her own. OK?! Well she could have said something when the waitress asks about our checks and even once she brought it but no, she waits until I already hand her my fucking debit card?! Wow, not too shady! I just felt completely used because she didn't even seem like she wanted to hang out, was completely rude and disrespectful every time I tried talking to her and played on her phone the entire time. Well then Sunday I work 12 hours and then asked her if she wanted to ride with me to a buddy's house to buy his GPS and not only did she say no, but was SO FUCKING RUDE ABOUT IT! Needless to say, I haven't spoke to her since and don't plan to. I just get so tired of this girl being so rude to me! I've also gotten really sick of her always asking how much my bills are too. I just think it's so inapropriate for people to ask you how much money you make and how much your rent is! She's constantly in my personal financial business and that makes me incredibly uncomfortable! I answer her but like, I don't like being put on the spot with questions that are NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS but my own since I'm the one who gets to pay them!

I think we are just not on the same page anymore. I don't think we ever were. I liked her simply because she made the effort to be a part of my everyday but I question why. She's not the nicest person. I'm glad that she's been there for me but it's time for me to not be dependent on her anymore and for me to do my own thing. I've realized that even with her around, I'm still lonely and if I cut her out, I'm not losing anything. I'm going to be lonely no matter what I do. She's always made me feel like I'm just her back up plan and I've had enough friends make me feel that way that I don't need to put up with it anymore.

Again, I think I'm having trouble setting boundaries with people. I think people are just so rude and are completely unaware of it until you say something. I think it's rude to ask people about their bills and money situation. I think it's rude for someone to just want to know all of your business. I'm grateful for my friendship with this girl because she was there for me when no one else was and because she has always kept me from giving up when things got tough but I have always questioned what her real motives are and how much I can really trust her.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to go to my first class, then I have to go reorder my meds, then I have another class and then I work at 4. I'm tired but woke up an hour before my alarm and feel okay for now that is. I know it'll hit me later and it's going to suck. I was talking to a guy at work about going to the gym so I'm going to see about doing that again. I'm extremely unhappy with the way I look and want to start trying to do something about it. I used to go to the gym like crazy but just haven't for numerous reasons. I worry that I still won't have time and that if I go, I won't have as much energy at work but I won't know until I at least give it a try. It just kills me that I've managed to gain back the weight I lost and then some but I have to start being more active and not only make healthy food choices, but stick with it. I eat healthy for the most part when I'm home but even last night when I got off work I got 2 chicken sandwiches from BK and 2 sundaes. I know that it's just not good to eat like that but I was starving and didn't want to come home and wait for food to cook and because I was tired and wanted to go to bed shortly after eating. I feel like I'm always in a race against the clock everyday. I like being busy but it makes me forget things and not get stuff done like I'm supposed to.