Incredibly frustrating in The day to day

I am incredibly frustrated with my ex. He put us in this situation and takes it out on me, like I chose it. B is having a hard time with having to go over there to visit him. I think part of it is his anxiety and part of it is because he doesn’t want to leave the house. This whole isolation thing is his heaven. He gets to stay home and be on his computer all day. Minus a little bit of schoolwork. As of right now, my ex gets the kids on Wednesdays for a few hours and every other weekend for a few hours each day. Neither one has spent the night yet. I feel like that is a long way off. Two weekends ago, they were supposed to go to their dads. B decided on Saturday that he didn’t want to go. I tried to get him to go. He cried and said he didn’t want to. My ex got upset and ended up just taking A with him. That night after he brought A back, we were texting. I was trying to smooth things over (like I always do) and get him to understand that it is hard on B. That it’s hard on all of us.

I suggested that maybe he come over to the house on Sunday instead of taking them to his apartment. I could go run to the grocery since I needed to anyway. I planned on visiting our daughter’s grave too just to give them extra time alone. He agreed to do that. He ended up bringing us all lunch. We watched the movie Onward together. I ended up leaving after that so they could have time alone. I went to the grocery and they played the Switch together. I came home and they seemed like they were having a good time. I commented as much and my ex said that B was acting the same as he does when he goes over to his apartment.

That Wednesday, B went to his dad’s apartment with no problem. They were over there for a good 5 hours or so. He brought him back and B seemed good. He even participated in Scouts via a Zoom meeting for the first time since this craziness happened. Good Friday came and their dad brought them Easter baskets. B was gracious and said thanks and interacted with his dad and all the stuff in his basket.

Then came today. It was time to go back to his dad’s for a little while. I told him and he was a little disgruntled about it. But he got dressed and when I knew his dad was in the driveway, he came out of his room to get his shoes on and grab his things to go. Prior to this I had told him he might want to put a hoodie on because it was slightly chilly outside. I knew that their dad takes them on a walk when they go over there so I didn’t want him to be cold in just short sleeves. His dad said that he didn’t think he needed the hoodie after he got there. This made B kind of huff and get upset. I jumped in and said that I had told him to wear it because it was a little cold outside. Granted my tone could have been a little better when I said it. It made my ex ask why I was getting an attitude. He decided to go wait in the car.

B finished getting his things together and I walked him and A out to the car. I put A in the car and apologized to my ex for getting an attitude. He did what he always does when I try to apologize which is brush it off and tell me he doesn’t want to hear anymore about it. He pushes everything down deep inside until he explodes. We can’t have a full conversation about anything without me not being able to express everything because he just shuts me down. This is something he did when we were together. And I let it happen because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Now I’m tired of having to stroke his ego to make him feel better. I would much rather talk through things and get everything out. At any rate, they leave. I head inside and am actually getting ready to go on the great toilet paper hunt of 2020, when I hear a car in the driveway again. It hasn’t even been a full 2 minutes.

I go outside and there is B coming back in the back gate. He has tears on his face and gives me a big hug. A few minutes later I get a text from my ex. He said that B told him he didn’t want to go. He had told him tough because he hadn’t seen him in a few days. B told him that he didn’t want to see him. So he brought him back. He then proceeds to text me some pretty awful things. That he’s this close to just giving me money and not seeing any of us again. He said that B is as dead to him as our daughter is. That right there pissed me off. I told him to Grow Up. That saying that was incredibly hurtful. I suggested maybe him and B needed to do some counseling together to figure out why he doesn’t want to go. He responded that he knew why and that he has been trying. That he’s done. I asked if he knew what it was to tell me because I didn’t have a clue. He never responded to that text.

I ended up crying. Which made B come out of his room and come sit and hug me. I told him that I was sad that he couldn’t seem to get along with his dad. That his dad loved him and that’s why he gets upset when B doesn’t want to see him. I expressed that there are a lot of people out there that would love to see their dads, but can’t or their dads don’t want to see them. That he is really lucky that his dad wants to spend time with him. I told him that I think if he doesn’t see his dad again that he will grow up to regret it. I asked him if there was anything his dad could do to help the situation between them. I asked if there was anything I could do to help. I told him that at this point things probably were going to stay the way they were. That his dad and I would not be getting back together. This was our new normal and we all needed to find a way to get along.

I don’t know what to do anymore. My ex’s anger at it all is not helpful. It is HIS fault we are in this situation. If he hadn’t decided to leave, we would still be living together and he would be seeing his children on a daily basis. I’m tired of feeling guilty about it because NONE of it is my fault. I try and try to smooth things over. I am still constantly smoothing things over because I don’t want to be seen as the bitch ex. But at some point something has to give. I ended up emailing B’s therapist about how I should be proceeding with things. He just had a session with him yesterday via Zoom, but I had been dealing with a migraine for about 6 hours and didn’t talk to him about any of my concerns. Of course I also thought things were pretty good after their last interactions until today. I assume our small tiff is what set things off for B.

I really am at a loss for how to proceed. The stress of everything going on in the world is definitely not helping this situation. I did end up going out to the store after calming B and myself down. But during the stress of it all I forgot the real reason I was going out. Toilet paper. Got everything else but forgot to look for the damn toilet paper. FML.