rehab. and um. sober recovery. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

no not me.

well. now that easter’s over. ya know..........i’m not a big easter person. i’m not religious and don’t have kids so. nor do i want them or am around them a whole lot.

i still think. and maintain that my late paternal grandmother was an alcoholic. i’m going to ask my mom. i’d ask my dad but i don’t think he’d be that honest w/ me about it. i know she drank, my grandmother.

so on sat. when my sister stopped by. i asked her if they have rehab for senior citizens like drug rehab. cause if anyone would know it would be her. i mean she did go herself a little over 5 yrs. ago. actually in june it’ll be 5.5. and she said she’s never heard of such a thing. i don’t remember. ever talking to my grandmother about her drinking. i’m glad she’s gone. i know, maybe that sounds bad. no but for one. a. i’m not being subjected to. being around that. someone who’s difficult to get along w/ and 2. i remember. at the time being so frustrated that no one seemed to be doing. anything about her situation. she obviously wasn’t happy and she didn’t want that. as far as i know..........and this is hard to bring up. human euthanization isn’t legal in the state of colorado. i’m for it although. whenever every time i think of it. i think of it from a psych. aspect. not like a physical/medical one. no but really. in my opinion it’s actually very selfish to keep someone here. and i mean like physically here.
so i re-watched the show ‘medium’ awhile back. [wow this entry is not going the direction i thought it would] and in one episode they showed. legal er i mean. sorry. lethal, not legal. yes a lethal injection. it was actually quite interesting to watch. of course that was for a crime but.........
at the same time though. that’s kindof akin to murder. and i don’t think that’s setting a good example. of course not everyone follows, that example. most people don’t i like to think.
elektra murdered agamemnon.
my point. being that in the same way. when i was 24 i cut ties w/ my paternal grandmother by. not visiting her anymore.
it’s hard. to talk to people about this bc. a lot of them don’t understand. their grandparents are so. normal which. implies abnormal but for lack of a better term yes. it’s the most fitting. i wish some grandparents were like the ones on tv [i’m aware. a lot of tv is fictional] but. they’re not. i also wish homophobia didn’t exist but it does. that’s just the world we live in. um. a lot of people i’d talk to. about this don’t. or didn’t, have a grandparent who was difficult to get along w/ far as i know.
but actually. i was looking online something about ‘grandparents who are alcoholics’ that was my search i think. and i found a site a forum and it’s been really helpful. apparently. i joined some time ago since when i logged in it told me. that someone already had the email i’d logged in w/ that someone being me. um but the site is soberrecovery . com. and it’s helpful bc. there is a section for. friends/family members of alcoholics. now i’ve just been lurking. not posting or replying. but even lurking is helpful. bc those people. the members of the site. get it. and i read some of the posts and i’m like ‘wow’.
er.
so i was reading up on rejection. on wikihow that’s a site i use a lot. like a lot. and it wasn’t all that helpful. cause the instances of situations they gave. were well like. getting rejected by a college. or getting rejected by a date in regards to being asked out. cause that’s what this is. rejection. and it sucks. and it’s not like i can work things out w/ my grandmother cause well she’s not here. so. and as i’ve said. she didn’t believe in god or spirits.
regarding. my feelings on this. maybe. my feelings aren’t valid at all. i don’t know..........
well thanks. [as usual no advice.].