Long day in Riverdale

Long day

Had a long day Today at my course. It's so heavy man. All talking about mental health issues boundaries and all that. Deep stuff.

I had to leave for a bit just because I was getting all emotional burnt out and tired.

When you stuck in a room with 12 other ppl in the day who sometimes can be adversarial about everything it gets fucking tiring. One guy got so pissed today started yelling and swearing and stormed out. I am not sure if he's comming back. I think he's just burnt out and has other shot going on too. It was kind of overwhelming but the day went on.

I have tomm off and we ended early. I like the course it's almost done I have mixed feelings about being done. I am kind of glad because it's so overwhelming but a lot to loose too. Especially the people who you bond with and are just used to. And you learn to be critical of lots of things so when you leave it's like you feel different inside and you view things differently and that's hard at times because life at times isn't as supportive flexible or understanding of it's practices. And a lot of the time you have to live with that but know differently especially when you don't have a lot of voice power $and all that good stuff on the outside.

It's good to be informed though and have a place to speak your mind and be heard pretty much unfiltered.

Just tired now. Man it's deep.

Glad to have time to unwind distract myself and do other stuff too much thinking and dissecting and discussing really. Esp when you don't have a lot of supprt at times. It's hard to process all the feelings you have and just keep moving on but you do it.

I am actually not in a bad mood. This course really has given me a voice again. After so much isolation and abuse from Omar and my family and all that them just being so close minded about the issues I face and not understanding you loose yourself. I literally became a shell of a person scared I un opinionated feeling out of control powerless and weak. Feeling like I didn't matter and alone.

Now that I am on week 10 out of 12 I can say I have grown changed bloomed into a human being again. I'm not perfect or anything but I feel more like myself who I was supposed to be after being oppressed held down and just so isolated.

I am more aware and am going to try to commit myself to educating and advocating for myself from now on. Be aware of things around me and keeping myself safe and empowered and strong. I want to move forward with my life however that may look like. And do what I need to do for myself.

It feels good to connect to similar people who have an open mind and are non judgemental. I don't feel like such a freak anymore or ashamed. It is what it is you know?

That feels good and like there's hope.