Day 29 post op in Pudendal Decompression Surgery

Good things
1) The pain that I woke up with didn’t stay that way all day
2) No horrendously bad distinct nerve pain after going to the bathroom today
3) No bladder burning or spasms
4) My dad has began to put together my standing/ over the bed desk
5) Was able to get a decent nap

Bad things
1) The depression is getting out of control. I have realized there is so much more I will have to give up than I ever thought possible. I have to start completely over.
2) I haven’t been walking as much as I should.
3) I have lost a lot of weight despite me eating I am not gaining back.
4) The pain always gets horrendous for a few hours at night. If I accidently touch down there or clothing rubs down there I am back at 100% square one.
5) I constantly feel inferior to everyone around me

Maybe SOMEDAY things will change. I feel like sometimes these entries get repetitive. I really don’t have much to say. I never thought my life would transform in this way. My best friend LB’s mom is going to NY to fight COVID. People are losing their jobs everywhere. I’m sure people are isolating with abusers. People are getting sick. People are scared. People are in worse pain than me and don’t have the money or the insurance to deal with it. I don’t mind the lockdown. I would be in lockdown without a virus anyway. But what is killing me is not being able to make any plans for the future. Not being able to have relationships. Distancing from people… with or without the virus because its just better for everyone to be away from me. I cant contribute anything. I dont know how to deal with the pain much less all the other side situations I am in at the same time. There is a lot of TRAUMA going on… This whole surgical experience was TRAUMATIC. The whole pandemic is TRAUMATIC. Losing people is TRAUMATIC..

Last updated April 11, 2020