April fifth in Journal 2020

Written April fifth 2019

I feel like I’m burdening so many people.

Yesterday, my friend Dray finally messaged me. I was really happy as we have none each other for a while, for 5 years almost. I missed him a lot, but the conversation turned…(brb he just texted me)
It turned uncomfortable. Dray is a really great friend and a awesome person, but in the past we’ve had many issues especially when we dated and he had his issues about other guys talking to me. Long distance really can do that ^^’

Anyway, so I decided one day when I wasn’t dating anyone for us to sext. I was doing a favor for my friend, he was really depressed and lonely and it made him happy. But then it felt like that’s the only reason he’d bother me.

Yesterday, I was talking about how I feel me being all sad makes me feel like I’ve dissapointed him. He consoled me but then it led to us talking about what I just mentioned and he started trying to ask. I said no, but then he asked again and I felt really sick and started crying.

He apologized but I ignored him from a while and texted my bf who was comforting to me. But I felt really bad and started having flashbacks to a incident before and felt sick for hours afterwards.

Last updated April 09, 2020