Follow Your Passion (cross posted) in The Life Of A Nurse

I remember just over a year ago when I was so desperately trying to leave my job. I was miserable there - I'd outgrown it, it was draining me emotionally and my boss was making every day nails-on-chalkboard awful. I applied everywhere - anywhere - just to have hope to leave. I contemplated how badly I wanted to change up my entire professional life as I applied to a wider and wider range of jobs. Was I going to be happy in a clinic job with a slower pace? In a Mon-Fri 9-5 job with consistent hours but more hours per week than I was working now? How about in a job where I work nights or more weekends or only weekends? Since I was currently working straight 12 hour day shifts, three days a week, every other weekend, the thought of five 8 hour days seemed difficult but worthwhile if it meant leaving where I was. I sent in resumes to anywhere looking for any kind of nurse. I interviewed at numerous spots, each one a glimmer of hope as my mind was set on simply to leaving, not where I would end up. I was waiting for a lifeline, a buoy, a rope to grab on to and pull me back to somewhere that reignited my flame and passion for nursing. As many of you know, it took a little while because the right job was waiting for me. I just had to be patient.

When I got the news that I was offered the position where I am now, I could hardly believe it. I traded in my straight days and my no night shifts and my set schedule for straight night shifts and unpredictability and uncertainty with just about every part of my job but I knew I was making the right choice. I was intimidated and nervous and felt like I was in over my head but I jumped and had faith that the world would catch me and a net would appear. 11 months in and I could not be happier in any way with how it's worked out. Thanks to the seniority gained over five plus years at my old job carrying over to this new one, I quickly moved up the ranks schedule-wise. I was hired as straight nights/every other weekend...quickly moving to half day shifts/half night shifts and every third weekend...and most recently to straight day shifts and every other weekend again. Soon, some time in the next year, I will get straight days every third weekend and I'll be set. I'll stay there, having reached the best schedule I can reach at this point in my career at this job doing something I love more than I ever thought possible. Until then, working every other weekend on day shifts is no problem. I could do this for awhile (I did it for years at my previous job, after all!) as it means dinners every evening with my husband, sleeping next to him every night, TV watching couch cuddles even if I work until 8 PM and consistency in an area of my life where, if my schedule isn't like this, I have very little control.

And beyond loving the schedule, it's no surprise to long time readers that I am in love with my job. I remember feeling this way when I first started as a nurse but it was more of a naive, optimistic love. I was in love with having a real salary, being out of college, doing a job that helped people...but I didn't really know the depths of how much this job can change you if you let it. Due to some of the harder parts of that reality, along the way I lost that flame. Blame it on time passing or on my new boss or on the 'shine' fading...but my love became an exhaustion and my drive to give the best care possible became a drive to simply get through the shift. I needed a new fire, a new passion, a new reminder why this job is my calling. After one week in my new job, I knew I had found all of that and more working in the Trauma ICU. I find it taking people directly from the Flight For Life helicopters and working with our incredible team of doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and pharmacists to piece these people back together. I find it holding hands with patients as they pass away - from old age, from addiction, from car accidents, from chronic disease, from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I find it hugging mothers, fathers, sister, brothers, husbands, wives, family member after family member as their lives crumble around them but I strive to be the rock they can cling to during their darkest moment. I find it in seeing small improvements in people once too sick to function in any way on their own but suddenly getting the breathing tube out or eating their first meal or opening their eyes on command for the first time. I find it in the routine, in the unpredictability, in the fast pace, in the slow moments, in the camaraderie, in the independence, in the hard days and the good ones. I don't ever come to work anything but excited anymore and I never leave anything less than fulfilled. I had forgotten what this felt like but I could not be more appreciative it is back.

I took a gamble last year that wherever I ended up, in whatever plan the universe had for me, I would be where I needed to be once the dust settled. I was content moving on to any of the places I applied for, interviewed at, gave a chance to...but ultimately I think I always hoped against hope that I'd end up where I am. I didn't consciously know it when I applied there and I honestly never thought somewhere as incredible, top of the line, award winning and intense as this place is would ever hire me...but they did. They took a gamble on me too and I'm hoping every day to pay it back to them. I'm hoping my passion makes up for my lack of critical care experience, I hope my commitment shows through in my long hours and I hope my team oriented and take charge attitude inspires those around me to practice medicine with as much compassion as possible and as much respect for the patients as they can muster. I hope I am a good member of the team, that I provide as many answers as I do questions and that I make a positive difference in the lives of both my patients and my coworkers. Looking back at the last 11 months I could be not more excited to look forward, to stay here, to continue to grow in this place and these people. I see myself staying at this job for a long time and learning here well into the next decade. I left my old job simply happy to be gone...but I truly think there isn't a better place I could have ended up. For anyone unhappy where they are or feeling stuck in any way - take that gamble. Take that leap. Go for it. Life is too short to be miserable 40 hours a week. Try something that scares the absolute bejeesus out of you or seems unrealistic or out of reach - you'll be absolutely amazed with where you end up.