Day 15 in meh...

I’m skipping Days 13 & 14 because nothing happened this weekend. I did church service online. I cleaned the house a bit. Did laundry both days, made more store runs.

Battled something in my throat. I even did karaoke on Zoom with a friend who is a KJ.

This morning has me in serious prayer. My daughter called me to give me a heads up about a situation with my sister in the event she calls me.

This then led her to ask me to talk to her father. She feels if she opens her mouth, she will have to live at a shelter. What she feels, what she wants to say, I actually understand. For me to talk to him would be me opening up old wounds, digging out things he has said about me behind my back, talking about past and history. Personally, I don’t give him two thoughts in a year. They both are so alike and for that particular chicken coming home to roost, it’s a bit much.

This would go into a whole history of him, dumping me, keeping me on the side, dating other women with children and treating mine like they didn’t belong to him. He did everything for and with these other children but it was a struggle to do anything with his own. He had his moments, but even then that became too much and he just stopped. A tale as old as time. He got to live his life and I raised these kids.

Anytime he would do anything significant, it became a peacock display of what he did and give him cookies because he did what he was supposed to do. He bailed her out of jail. Ok. He gave a place to live (by the way she lived with me most of her life then 3 times when she needed to land somewhere) so I don’t want to hear that. When you don’t invest time into your children, yet are trying to pretend a relationship with them, you will be relegated to being an ATM machine with no hopes of being much of anything else. It was kind of this way with my dad, but my dad is open and willing to develop a relationship. He respects our adulthood, but he’s always there for us to listen. He puts this latest woman over his daughter. Kind of has to since it’s her house.

Daughter says they nickle and dime her food stamps, they get high, cook enough for them, but extra junk food and hide it, on daughter’s food stamps, and a lot of other stuff. I can’t speak to it. I dropped Bubby Sr off and when the door opened I was greeted by nothing but weed. Not to mention, he told me personally that he spends like $200 on weed a week. But you can’t do right by your kids? None of them. Not even just talking about my two. I’ve not been perfect but I’ve been here whether I wanted to be or not. I’ve opened my doors, my home, my wallet, my emotions, gave blood sweat & tears with no help.

I can’t tell him how to run his house no more than he can tell me how to run mine. Things like this is why I say constantly I need to buy a house because while she would get on my nerves, I wouldn’t have to worry about neighbors snitching about who is here, my child would be ok, my grandchildren would be ok. I don’t want to get involved, I don’t have to get involved, but ai don’t want my daughter to explode.

So my prayer is that, If I am to say something, give me a sign. If I get the sign, then give me the words to talk to him. Maybe it would be an absolute cleansing for me. There are times when I could have completely gone off, but I never want to kick people when they’re down. I don’t care who it is.

So, that’s been my day already. LOL

I got my tax refund. They let me have that amount my uncle calculated. Yay me. Going to give my daughter some money as well as my son. Put some in my savings and just pay everything I need to pay. I never have fun with refund money. Lol

Take care everyone. Be safe.
I love you.

Kindest regards,
Sister