JFC in Ponderings of the Universe

Well, it looks like I’m back on the one entry a month program. ha!

World’s gone to hell in a hand basket. How’s everyone doing?

I’ve been sort of reading and failing to note. In a semi-constant state of being overwhelmed.

Veterinary care has been deemed essential by MN so I’m still working. I had a 3 day weekend, which really helped my whole mental state but I go back tomorrow to the insanity. I’m not ready! Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to still have a job, but all the changes we’ve made create an extra layer of stress and exhaustion.

In addition to all the COVID stress, there’s been some other extra fun in my life the last few weeks.

My dad had knee replacement surgery March 13. It was right before MN stopped doing elective procedures. He’s doing fine but it was and has been just a little bit extra.

My mom, a 65 year old ER nurse, put in her 2 weeks notice just before the shit hit the fan. Definitely a wise choice as she’s higher risk and hospitals are just not prepared for this. Plus, prior to this, she’d be working her 10 hour shifts and not get a single break-not a 30 minute lunch break, not a 15 minute other break. They did not have the staff where she felt she could safely leave her patients. And she worked in one of the better hospitals. WTF. I’m glad she’s done. It made her so exhausted and stressed. But, because she left so suddenly, social security is still processing. Luckily she has a pension that’s helping, but it’s some extra financial strain.

No one can visit grandma in the nursing home for COVID reasons. No cases there yet, which is good. Hopefully she’s eating OK. When things were normal, my mom and her sister would try to get in every day around dinner to make sure she ate a full meal as she’s 98 and gets distracted easily.

Gracie, our 15 year old chihuahua, isn’t doing great. Not eating well, though actually doing a little better than a week or so ago. She’s ancient and has chronic kidney disease. I know her time is limited but I’m not ready for her to die yet. Not that I’ll ever be.

Aaron’s mom was suddenly fired from her job for a BS reason. She’s 65 too, so it’s good she’s not there anymore but it was pretty shocking.

Most stressful, Aaron’s brother’s wife, Rachael, was diagnosed with a cancerous lung tumor 2 weeks ago. Last week she had open chest surgery to remove 2 lung lobes. Luckily its a type of cancer that is cured by removal, so she shouldn’t need chemo or radiation, which is good, but holy shit. She’s home now with her husband and her mother and seems to be recovering well, all things considered. Not the best time to be all of a sudden missing 2 lung lobes, though.

To be honest, my mental health is not great right now. The COVID stuff is stressful as is but the quarantining and obsessive hand washing along with Rachael’s diagnosis all at the same time has resulted in me having cancer flashbacks that are surprisingly vivid, overwhelming, and at seemingly random times. Prior to all of this, I could think and talk about my cancer stuff and be more or less OK. But now, I think it’s that perfect combination of events , getting my brain in the exact right mind frame making me panic. It’s weird. 0/10, would not recommend.

On a happier note, I’ve been ordering these amazing pastries, including from-scratch pop tarts (!), from a local baker for delivery and am well on my way to make a COVID food baby :P Best way to support a local business!