oh thank god. well.....yes and no. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so apparently. Support the co. that Naya and the lady work for. is closed. which means. a. i don’t have to feel bad about cancelling another house meeting when. there hasn’t been another one scheduled and won’t be untill it opens up again. and 2. i have more time to prepare notes. i’m starting to remember more. of what was on the notes. this is just standard not remembering. every day not remembering.
i like Naya though. i like most of the people i see regularly the business types and. well family other then Emily. and my sister they’re both kindof intense people.
um i. oh i got my other comp. back. bc the place is closed due to the stupid virus thingy. the other comp. is at my mom’s which. i’d rather have it there then at the place which is closed. the other comp. still doesn’t work. but on the working one. i’ve been putting stuff from my flash drives onto it and then. putting that stuff on CDs. i don’t delete stuff from the flash drives. i’d rather have multiple ways of backing things up. also that way if something does happen..............again. still have things backed up. i have 3 google drive accts. bc well. only the first 15 GBs are free.
in a way. i’m not super looking forward to more places being open. like yeah i miss going to starbucks in my mom’s neighborhood. or the mall or wherever. but i really like that there are fewer people out bc well. i don’t like people. and my movement problems are a lot better actually. it got worse after my tbi a little over 2 yrs. ago. but i’ve been this way since college. no um. when people i don’t know like random people. are walking past me i’ll stop cause otherwise i’ll get distracted. sometimes it gets really bad. but yeah like i said. that’s gotten a lot better bc there’ve been a lot less people out.
i don’t like. that the seating areas are closed for obvious reasons. cause i really don’t like standing and when it’s cold like who wants to sit outside? that’s a rhetorical question btw. it’s not the sitting on the ground that’s the problem. it’s the getting up. oh yeah i don’t drive. i’ve probably mentioned this. if it’s ok - nice out then yeah i’ll sit on a bench but......
so um yesterday. i went by whole foods and there was a line. like outside the store to get in and i got in. it and this lady’s ‘are you in line?’ well not now now that someone has asked. but then when they don’t ask i get annoyed so. i’d just rather not be...............acknowledged at all. they get in line i’m in line after them. no talking that’s it. so then. i walked around for an hr. to see if other cafes were open [there is a cafe in the whole foods i go to] and then. came back. to whole foods. it felt very weird to stand in a line to go into. a place i go into regularly. one of the staff members she was asking people if they ‘need’, a cart. i don’t like that word being used in that context. she asked the guy in front of me and he went ‘no i’m good’. and so i heard her asking people and then i thought of. what to say when asked cause i don’t like unplanned conversation. as i’ve stated.
i’m not worried. i’ll get sick like i’ve said. and i think. the reason is cause. i wouldn’t like the change of. like not having laryngitis a lot or w/e. i was thinking about that. my sister was telling my mom something about how she should wipe down like. her key my mom’s after coming into the house. she’s also. my sister has said she’s started to vacuum every day. omygod. she’s well she turned 30 back in jan. and she’s not all that social no one in our family is...........so. that just seems a little excessive. i don’t vacuum to begin w/ bc well i don’t like it. or do much regarding hygiene. actually. i have hand sani. in my purse. but i only have the one bottle. i got it from bath & bodyworks but i don’t like going in there cause of the greeter people. someone greets me right when i go into a store and it’s nope. i’m leaving. [also that store is closed now so. and yes i’m aware things can be ordered online.]. and if i only have one of something depending on what it is. i won’t use it a lot. although. i like that when i was in line the second time at whole foods. the lady asked, if people ‘needed’ a cart instead of just deciding. for the customers. like she acknowledged them.
so the other day. the lady asked if i keep my gloves on when in the store. as i was wearing gloves when she picked me up from. somewhere. as it was cold that day. and i went ‘sometimes if it’s cold’ not even thinking at the time that i was being dishonest. no i don’t i’ve never kept them on for more then a few mins. while in the store. but telling her that wouldn’t do anything so. and she went ‘it would be good’ right well. that’s great but that is literally. to me just stating a fact. be direct. [but then if she was i wouldn’t listen so.]. no actually the only person i’ll listen to in that regard is my mom. i won’t listen to my dad. no like i really. won’t listen to my dad. he tells me another way to do something. [or to not. do it] and i’ll not listen to him for the rest of my days. yeah when i go to my mom’s/my psych.’s. i bring my comp. case, suitcase and um. my grocery bags. and one time when i was leaving. my mom’s bc the bus had come. my dad went ‘bring less stuff next time’ yeah ok cause that’ll happen. and i think. the reason i won’t. listen to him is bc. to me it’s his way of ‘taking care’ of me and ‘protecting’ me and i hate. when anyone does that. as i’ve mentioned. he’s the kindof person who’d be really good w/ children cause he’s optimisic and not realistic about things from what i’ve noticed. the ‘head in the clouds’ type. which is really damn annoying. and children like people like that. that are optimistic i mean. i feel like he doesn’t see me as an equal. also sometimes he’ll make a move to help me, w/ my bags. like most people aren’t allowed to do that. my mom is actually. and the lady’s husband bc when they do it. for some reason i don’t feel incompetent. but when anyone else does it.........fuk no. it’s like my dad [not i mean. not usually physically] won’t let me be independent. by the things he says. i’d rather. carry my 75 lbs. of stuff or however much it is then have most people help me. them helping me would bother me more. so i mean i know that was all vague and general. and yes i’m ref. to something. but i’m not ready to state what right now so. he also won’t listen. like he’ll make a move to help me and i’m ‘no’ or ‘i’ve got it’ or something. and then he’ll say/do the same thing. i don’t really care why btw. whereas when someone tells me no, in some way i don’t keep pushing. there aren’t many things i don’t like about him but that’s one of them. like i’m not 12. and i feel like he still thinks i am. [again. no advice.].
although. actually going back to the gloves thing. the other day when in whole foods. i was curious about the amount of vit. d in soy milk. [and no don’t tell me. that’s why i looked.]. and so i went to that section and put my gloves on. to pick up the container and look. but other then that.................no
so um. earlier today i did something i probably shouldn’t’ve done. and the only reason i shouldn’t’ve done it is bc of the stupid virus thingy. not cause i personally have it as i don’t. and there’s more to this btw. but i’m um. not ready. beyond this next part. so well i gave my chai to a lady sitting outside the store. [well i did ask, if she wanted it.]. but the only reason i did that is so my dad would shut up about me bringing it w/ me when he’d already told me twice. i actually was going to put it in the trash but then i saw the lady which i had prior and..........well. even though it was a nice thing to do for someone............ [well............yes and no] that’s not why. i did it. the lady’s eyes got all big which. i guess means she appreciated it even though she didn’t say as much? they were nice. they were green. she seemed cool. nice. quiet. well most people who are sitting there thinking are. quiet.