I put the the Tom in Tomorrow in Current Events

I didn’t end up atomplishing anything yesterday. I was just so tired that I even passed out for a huge chunk of the day. That was probably my third nap since I went vegan. I miss naps so much. Everybody in this house appears to be coming down with a cold… except that it just won’t happen. It’s like it’s just edging. Anybody else turning every ache and sneeze into COVID-19 in their minds? My lungs and throat are not happy. They’re working beautifully but they feel tight but I suspect that it is just anxiety if not this dry air season. I ache from the workouts, I’m tired because I’m not eating well etc. Anyways, I started to feel depressed yesterday. Just a little bit because I noticed that I had slipped into my old habit of avoiding. I’m quite skilled at pretending that pain isn’t happening to me. I tommitted to being depressed and lazy yesterday but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I just lost my job and I needed to grieve. It was only like, 10% depression. I keep telling myself that I have to wait until I pick up my last check and get my ROE before I start dealing with everything but I don’t need to wait for that. I’m just creating as much distance as possible between me and what I have to do because it all boils down to me being afraid. That fear being the usual I’m not good enough. I know that I don’t need to be afraid. I can trust myself here. I’m going to have to find a way to outsmart myself. At least I recognize this annoying pattern. I’m not a tomplicated as I used to be. I’ll really really try and force myself today to at least start.

Bev told me that her work is hiring temp positions right now. I’m tempted. I want income but I don’t want to put my family at risk. That’s one of the dilemmas that I have. I should at least do my resume today and add my new retail experience to it. The first thought I had this morning was about Vita health. I feel tompelled to apply again. The scenario that I had in my head was that I was employed at Vita and Becky with the good hair from the craft supply store called me to rehire me and I felt conflicted. Of course, that is all in my imagination. So is that guy from my bank whom I keep fantasizing about. He’s this short scrawny, hairy and balding little man with a nasally gay voice and I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about him lol. Apparently that’s my type too. Anyways, I’ll just politely ask him if I can sit on his face next time I see him… kidding! I should get on with my day now. My sinuses keep throbbing and if that could just stop that would great. Anyways. ta!