Check That Pride, Girlfriend in Everyday Ramblings

It is getting on towards Easter, I can tell, wandering around on my own.

Like for all of us the days roar through and I can’t remember what day I did what but Sunday I decided to do a fairly ambitious walk midday up the big hill behind me. I had my headphones on and was listening to podcasts. I noticed for the first time that folks were actively social distancing or as we are calling it now…”physical distancing”.

It was a bit disconcerting on a deep cellular level to have people get near me say coming the other way and step out into the street to keep the appropriate distance from me. It happened a number of times.

When Mr. Finch was sick he had the serious wasting that folks with lung cancer often experience and lost a bunch of weight, it was more than that though, all his bones became prominent like with an anorexic and his skin loose. It was quite dramatic and every time I would see him, every day although I loved him with all my heart and had made a clear decision to be with him through this transition, my body recoiled at first. He knew me well enough to sense this and it broke my heart.

We talked about it. I would touch him, get next to him, reassure him but the biological imperative to stay away from someone who is gravely ill is strong.

Just as our will to survive is strong. His was astonishing.

In a few weeks it will be 10 years since he died. I find that astonishing too.

Back to my walk, I had achieved the turnaround point and was walking back, fretting about getting enough cardio, when an older gentleman with ear buds attached to a smart phone going the other way stopped in front of me, peered carefully at me and asked “Are you Elizabeth Anne?”

Whoa! Shall we ramp up the Twilight Zone theme that has been playing in the background constantly during these surreal last two weeks? It was the fact that he used my middle name that freaked me out.

He reached in his pocket continuing to look at me and then handed me my driver’s license.

I had dropped it out of my pocket on the way up while getting out a tissue.

I thanked him, gave him verbal virtual bonus points and a gold star and felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment, ready to teleport myself back to a shameful dark hole for the idiocy of that for the rest of time. I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down and put it aside.

When I got home and stretched out I realized that it probably made him feel really good to give me that kind and thoughtful gift! During this time when one of the hardest parts of our lives is feeling helpless and not able to jump to someone’s aid as we so often do during an unfolding disaster, this gave him agency.

With this in mind I let my 68 year old neighbor drive me to the grocery yesterday morning. We did the Driving Miss Daisy thing…We both had gloves on, she has alcohol wipes (her apartment is clean in a way mine is not) and I sat in the far back corner. It was early for her; we were going during senior hour.

They are not metering folks like some stores here are but they are spacing out the self- checkout and everybody was quite respectful about distancing. (Except for the suave well-heeled maybe 60 year old man that I am sure drives a BMW who cut in front of me in line.) The store was full of old people; it was like a senior home. We saw a bunch of neighbors. We should do this when things get back to normal (if they ever do) so we can actually talk to our cohort instead of a proffering a little gloved wave.

I am having some groceries delivered via InstaCart tomorrow but half the stuff I normally get was not available online and it was great to be able to get everything on my list. My produce delivery place is struggling to keep staffed up and isn’t taking any new customers. Some people didn’t get their deliveries last week and that is hard. Fingers crossed for next week.

It was good. It was an adventure in the new paradigm. And we may do it next Tuesday. She said that even with careful spacing she didn’t feel good about me going on the bus, which I was planning to do.

Clearly there is a lesson here. Let-people-help-you! We are all in this together.

We have survived as a species because we are adaptable.

I am adapting as fast as I can.

Last updated March 26, 2020