ANGER INSPIRED in Pudendal Decompression Surgery

This is a story of ANGER INSPIRED.

I have had PNE since birth and it got worse in 2013. I was just anatomically pre-disposed to this happening to me and it was only a matter of time. A ticking time bomb if you will. I was depressed and miserable for so long. I was so hopeless in the months leading up to going to Arizona. I thought there was no way I would qualify for surgery. No way anyone would take me seriously. There was no way they would PROVE that I had a legitimate condition. I would live the rest of my life bedbound or in the bath. I would never have a sex life again. I would never be able to live a NORMAL life again. DO things like DRIVE or SIT in public again. To not have to worry about wearing tight clothing. I couldn’t go out in public for more than an hour or two without wanting to cry. I was getting worse and worse with every injection I did. I didn’t care what happened to me anymore. I didn’t care if I lived or died. I was just a burden to everyone else around me. I didn’t deserve a real relationship, or anything due to me being a useless waste of space. My best friends held me up when I needed to talk, I needed to cry. They reminded me how much more I deserved than the cards I was handed.

And then I woke up from surgery. My mom told me he had found a lot. And that was all I needed to hear to begin all over again. I cried tears of joy. I don’t care if I never recover from this surgery. I can now go to my grave knowing that I was not crazy. But we do not know if its solveable. My dr. says that due to my anatomy and the way I presented with my symptoms and history that I have a good chance at recovering. Obviously no one really knows. It’s going to get bad before it gets better. But this is the part where I had to channel my anger over my pathetic situation into something. All the people who doubted me, all the people who left me because of the pain I am in. I have to get ANGRY about it in order to DO SOMETHING about it. To fight. Even if there is no fix. I have to keep going. I can’t lay down and die this way, so senselessly.

I can count on Mike Shinoda to say it better than I could ever say it in the song “Prove you wrong”

Last updated March 23, 2020