It's All G in Current Events

I think that I have my sleep schedule in a good place. My shifts appear to be strictly 8-5 so that helps. I’m asleep shortly after nine and I’m up 1.5 hours before my alarm… which is set for 6. Yes, I’m up at 4:30 in the morning. I don’t know what to do with that time exactly but it’s all mine! I started my taxes this morning and I will probably just finish it tomorrow. Work is going swell. COVID-19 has not affected us quite yet. Our grand opening is pushed a bit but that is it. I keep getting texts from people wondering if I am still employed. There is that dreadful feeling that I could lose everything that is finally going right for me because of this virus but so far so good. I’m trying not to do the I could have it worse talk with myself because then I’ll accidentally convince myself that I don’t deserve it. iDumb that way.

I feel aimless and brainless a bit though. Like I want to rush into my next goal but I know that I do not have job security right now and I’m trying to make sure that I only Follow One Goal Until Success at a time. Oh well! All in due time I suppose. I’ve just been listening to Alan Watts instead of listening to music… man he sure has a way of deconstructing everything I know about myself, life, death and the universe. I’m trying to open myself up to God. A god that I can understand anyway. How do you shrink the infinite into something I can understand? We have a piece of the brain that is designed for us to believe in a higher power and even if you don’t believe in one… you’re still designed to. I can’t seem to do it. I want to! I want to have that kind of faith. I have some time on my hands to create a culture that loves me. Blah. I wish I had more interesting things to talk about.