Sleeps in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Nala is not enjoying the new situation. She woke me up repeatedly last night with whining. I’d get out of bed, take her outside, and she’d simply sit on the porch looking out into the distance, waiting. Martha hadn’t “come home from class” and the bed that smelled like Martha was no longer in the house and the clothes that smelled like Martha were no longer in the house. SO WHERE WAS SHE?! It was… hard. Because Nala lacks the cranial complexity to really grasp the concept of “This isn’t your fault. This isn’t because of you or trying to punish you. She’s just… living somewhere else now. We both still love you. We both want you to eat, sleep, live, and be happy and healthy. Just, your mama is going to be living elsewhere.” Instead, all I can do is pet her, walk her, love her, and hope that she doesn’t just get caught in a funk where she just doesn’t eat or sleep. That would be bad.

In an effort to actually get some sleep and to comfort Nala, I called in late to work today. Work is… yeah. I feel like I’m sitting under the sword of Damocles a bit. I’ve got nothing immediately pressing… but I know I’m going to have a shit ton of shit in the very near future. So a logical and intelligent being would be working their ass off right now so that they would be best prepared to deal with that shit ton of shit when it arrives. But… frankly… I’m not there. And I know that is kind of crappy. Because I am a professional. I should never let my personal issues affect my professional demeanor or decorum. But I mean… I’m kind of sitting here demanding a little break on that. Because I deal with people every day who want me to deal with their bad decisions. Who try to force their bullshit at my feet. So I’m giving myself permission to let my own bullshit matter for a minute. I won’t excuse my existence and deal with (selected at random)… a 44 year old woman that decided she was so mad at her ex that she drove to his house and beat the shit out of his car with a baseball bat. Yeah. You and your criminal temper tantrum can wait a day or two.