I don't even know what to call it in Second 1st

Yesterday morning before going out with Krystal.... before shop vac guy messaged.... I noticed a fatal flaw in the above the stove microwave I was excited about…someone had attempted to install it.... the hardware was missing… that’s fine I’m sure we can get that at Lowe’s or something.... then I saw that one of the screw holes for mounting was missing the nut on the inside..... wonder how we can fix that.... When Krystal and I got back she took a look at it.... and we discovered that there is a crack in the cabinet above.... there is no way it would hold the weight..... SO....

When Rocky got up (pay attention here it will be important) I asked if he wanted to run out and get something to eat for breakfast. This is a normal thing. I can’t make food because I don’t know when he will get up. I get up way early so I always eat.... his breakfast is my lunch.... and by the time he gets up I’m sooooo hungry there is just no way I could tolerate actually making food without eating half of it before it’s done.... then not eating it when it is done because I’m full.... so we went to Murfreesboro to hit Lowe’s and decided on Wendy’s....

Discovered Wendy’s had started their breakfast menu at that location already. The closer one doesn’t start till March 8th..... so we have made plans to go have breakfast there this morning. They currently have staggered hours- drive through opens at 6:30 but lobby won’t open till 9.... I’m sure it has everything to do with hiring a morning crew and will change if all goes well. Either way the girl at the counter gave us coupons and we have full intention of going this morning.

Lunch being over we went to Lowe’s. I had explained the situation to Rocky. We came up with 3 things we needed to look at. We needed to somehow replace wall hardware, replace the nut on the inside and possibly look into replacing the cabinet. We left there deciding this is not my microwave. We walked around and saw not ever one “hanging kit”.... I assumed they were model specific but Rocky went after employees. One passed me on his search and he saw it and got upset because I didn’t stop him..... 100% honest this is one of the reasons I married him was to flag people down and ask dumb questions.... so no I didn’t anything to random worker holding a coffee obviously headed to the break room.... hold it against me....

When I got home I looked up the model number/replacement parts and ordered a “special nut” for 12 bucks from the manufacturer. Once we get that I’ll take the cover off and attempt to five it.... then sell it for like 75ish. Now there are plans to remodel nearly the whole house before I quit working.....

As we walked around Lowe’s I was walking a bit slower as I tend to do after food because .... well there seems to be a period of about 15-20 after food in which I’m more woozy/off.... It’s not really a new thing it’s a thing I can live with and I”m dealing okay.... well at Lowe’s I said out loud Ï’m so tired of this” and Rocky asked what.... so I explained the not feeling so well every time I eat....

He thought that on the way home was a good time to pick a fight over it. Stating that if I äte better”“when you were cooking a lot you were doing really well”.... I explained that I thought it was subjective. I was doing better than I was.... and I am doing better than that even.... but it’s after I eat EVERY time no matter if I eat a salad or a burger.... he went on to not listen and told me I need to start taking dressings will me again .... to which I explained how impractical that was as we eat out all the time.... “Well, if you didn’t want to go out for breakfast everyday” HOLD UP.... see above.... explained that.... I only want to go to eat because he doesn’t get up till half the damn day is gone. So we sat there pointing fingers..... then he wanted to bring up ÿou have to tell the doctor”..... I have been.... Ï’m still getting dizzy” comes out of my mouth EVERY VISIT..... next one is March 19th and I expect it to come out then.... he continued to not listen and said it was like the motion sickness thing....

The motion sickness thing.... I’ve gotten motion sickness without this whole Meniere’s/ vestibular migraine’s bullshit and that is the best way I could describe what was happening.... it seemed there was more understanding when Rocky had me describe it as a nausea in my brain. Like there is a huge difference between a nausea in my brain and motion sickness. So he thinks it’s a lack of articulation on my part that is preventing getting the right treatments??? NO NO NO It’s a lack of self care and not wanting to give up simple pleasures like bacon..... I asked him if he then would ask of me to give up bacon for the rest of my life and he said no.... that’s what I have to do in order to not feel bad. Bacon as an example but what he’s saying is that I need to eat salads when we are out and only really ever actually eat at home....which lead me to pointing out that I would have to almost constantly cook.... that’s what it feels like and with keeping his house decently clean, actually holding a job, running his little business, and house running I just don’t have time to cook every damn meal.....

It was quiet for a bit.... then I said “I hate to throw your own words in your face but I’m dealing with my shit you keep avoiding yours. You are telling the doctors that the things they prescribe are helping á little’ they think that’s great and if you keep taking the meds you are on it will get all better. It’s no better. Four months without sex because you won’t talk to doctors and you are sitting here lecturing me because I don’t feel good after I eat. Clean up your own shit buddy.” He had raised his voice several times in the conversation and when we got home I stayed in the car and bawled like a baby when he went inside.

I spent a good 10 mins out there and was calm and playing on my phone when he opened the door to check on me. I went it and told him Ï sat out there because I wasn’t about to come in here to get yelled at some more about my medical issues that I have a hard enough time with on my own.”.... “I wasn’t yelling”.... “that’s what it sounded like but whatever”....

When I got home I looked up the model number/replacement parts and ordered a “special nut” for 12 bucks from the manufacturer. Once we get that I’ll take the cover off and attempt to five it.... then sell it for like 75ish. Now there are plans to remodel nearly the whole house before I quit working..... he went to start a fire for the burnable trash..... and the rest of the day was normal.... little conversations about random stuff here and there.