Bad day in Journal 2020

I need to write, I feel like I might pass out. I’m very tired mentally and physically, I feel emotionally drained. I just want to do my boyfriend right....but I’m not and I feel like I’m losing him not even after a week. I feel so pathetic and hurt, I cannot stop crying. He’s so amazing and I can never prove it to him. I’m so pathetic and gross…Isaac came back…

He came back and said everything wasn’t him…it hurt so bad it felt like the knife was being ripped back out and stabbed again. I fired for a while today I couldn’t and can’t stop.

I almost lost my boyfriend because of my stupidity and carelessness. I can’t stop thinking about that. I feel like death and it hurts…I just can’t make it stop…I hate myself so much because I can’t…I can’t..

I just wish I was a better person. I’m so scares my boyfriend will leave me. I want to know what he’s saying to Isaac. What Isaac is saying to him. The thoughts float and pollute my mind. I need to know ineedtokbow.

I’ve never felt this scared ever.