I'm ok. in Since OD is shutting down....

Today is going just fine. I woke up kinda tired again today but glad to be going to work in about an hour. Happy to be getting back to work and having some weight lifted from my shoulders. Even though court didn't go in my favor, I'm just glad to have it behind me and not have to worry about going through it again. It was emotionally scarring to constantly have to think about it, rearrange my schedule, make sure the people who were going with me were able to do the same and then having to think about looking at his ugly, weasly face made me physically ill.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I will probably never know why this had to happen but maybe someday it will all make perfect sense but I refuse to let it get me down any more than it already has. I've already let it consume 5 months of my life by laying in bed at night thinking about it, crying, being depressed when all the while, the guys that did this to me probably don't even give it a moments thought so I'm doing nothing but letting them win more. Whether I like it or not, I have to put it behind me.

My love will always be with that car. Even though I don't have it anymore because of a fucktard, no matter what he ever did or said, he will never take my memories away. That car will always be special to me and every time I look at pictures of it, I smile and cry knowing that it was the reason why I never completely gave up on life when I had every reason to. If it wasn't for having the freedom of my own vehicle, I probably would have killed myself years ago. That car kept me going. No one will ever take that from me.

As much as it's hurt, I am starting to feel better. There's nothing more I can do but chalk it up as a very expensive lesson and go on with my life. Nothing is forever, except how I felt about that car and what it meant to me.

I've gone through the hardest year of my life and I'm really hoping everyone is right when they say that things will start to get better for me. I want to start to be happy and be more positive. I know that life isn't fair but I just gotta work hard and do the best I can everyday to have a better future.

I would really like to try and make a better relationship with my Mother. It just sucks because I can't really go to their house because of my Dad but I would like to start talking to my Mother at least once a day. She told me yesterday that I push her away and my response was that I just gave up. I gave up because I got sick of my phone calls not being answered and having to make way too much of an effort to be around. She said that she would start to make an effort but she said that before and never did it and I don't have any faith that she will ever start.

I'm breathing a lot easier today. I woke up with my eyelids extremely swollen but I've colored my hair, showered and did a facial mask and my skin looks great. I do feel better. Hopefully work will go good and I can get my homework finished up Friday night.

My clothes are in the dryer and I need to leave for work in less than an hour. I should probably start getting ready...