Not sure if its a good goal or not. in Bittersweet

My current goal is to try to figure out how to be a homebody who is ok without having friends.

Im just struggling so hard with being in such a new place. Even though ive now been here 4 months. I feel like im no closer to being at home or relaxed then I was when i got here. I still feel out of place and alone. It dosent help that we got the flu this last weekend. And the homeschool meet ups are shut down. I found a forest school meet up. Its mainly for 2-6 years old. But they said my older kids could come too. A forest school is basically free range parenting en mass. lol. It will kinda suck that its going to be all young kids. Thats not really helpful for the kids. Only little girl will be the right age for the group. So it makes me feel kinda .... this wont overly work either.

I found a knitting group but they dont have any events going on. I just want someone to come knit with me in the park and visit for a few hours once in a while. Its not a lot to ask for. I know im a bit of a nut and interested in odd ball things. But still.

Sometimes i think its a personality flaw. A big one haha. I think the depression overwhelms and something about my personality just chases people away.... Im trying to figure out how to be ok with being my own friend. With going to a park and not having anyone to talk to. I used to do it in Ak all the time but at least at that point i had someone to chat with online. Which makes me feel not so alone. Its different when you are welly and truly on your own.

Its different for the kids. They dont want to be alone and shouldn’t have to be. At this point i do feel like i have to put them back in school so they can get some friends. Homeschooling in a new place is hard. Im trying to find more things to do. But my kids are giving me resistance. We dont want to go do that mom. Or its really early and none of us are morning people haha. So im still working on it....

Till then… Keep on keeping on i guess?