the scream. edward munch. um Lane. time. jealous or maybe not. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so i was looking over my um fb messages w/ my friend Mark. and. so a mutual friend that Lane and I had. well he the friend posted this. uh well post on fb about w/ a photo of Lane this was like. a couple wks. ago and that the last time he’d seen Lane was a month ago. and i’m like well i didn’t get to see him a month ago. at least that person got to see him...........that recently. so i asked Mark if i was jealous. and Mark’s ‘probably. but more like yearning’ and that really helped. like hm ok............and i’m not a jealous person by nature. but everyone gets jealous. but ya know. that doesn’t take anything away from. the last time i saw Lane and. the good time we had together that night talking over drinks. so.
so. like the wk. that i found out Lane. well died.........or left us or..........w/e. i. wanted to scream which doesn’t happen to me a lot. and ya know i did. into a pillow quietly which. maybe that’s a weird way to put it i hope that makes sense. and then after a bit.............like a day or so. i did silently i just. literally went through the motions. of doing so that action. and. that also really helped.
it’s just you know amazing. how someone. can be here one day and then. gone the next. just that short amount a time. yeah wow. wow. here today gone tomorrow kindof thing.
i was drunk when i found out he’d died. Lane. and on my period so..............ya know at that time. untill like..........idinno this past wk. or so it had been a long few wks. um. it was 10:30 p.m. on a sun. i checked my fb and.................there it was. i. right now i. don’t want to detail that.
oh right there’s something else. something i did. to honor him in his..............in memory of him. was i. changed my desktop backround to a photo. of a cat and a spider cause those were 2 of his fave animals Lane’s.