um. hi. lane, death, aunt ruth, anxious. still don't know. letter to him. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so i haven’t written about anything going on w/ me in. awhile. i’m not like ok w/ the Lane thing it’s just less new. he d. jan. 17th. which was a fri. and i found out on sun. um. and i still don’t know how. i recently got at his aunt ruth and asked her if she had any more details on it............i haven’t pushed her into telling me bc well i don’t push people. like ever. but at first bc i didn’t know it was driving me crazy and imagining all these possible scenarios............and making me anxious. like omygod what the hell what it is? i don’t know. here’s what i do know: 1. he was gay 2. he i think had depression. i’m not saying he was gay bashed [or had aids] or it was mental health related. i’m just saying. it would make sense if his um. you know leaving. was due to one of those. i’ve looked up his death notice and. nothing i can’t find it online. it was a tragedy and it still is.
um. idinno about like 3 wks. ago. i sent his an aunt ruth a letter. via email i’d written for him like actually for him. to go w/ him on his journey. luckily she got it in time. and my presumption is that it went w/ him when he was buried. and ya know i like that. it was an agnostic, spiritual, nonreligious ceremony. or service i guess. yeah. i like that.
um. and awhile ago i wrote something about him which i posted on. another website a site about SA actually. and everybody there who knows. and has replied has been really supportive and sweet.
he was in my dream, like last wk. or so. and. i appreciate that.
so that’s. kindof where i’m at. w/ that no it is. where i’m at.