New normal in The day to day

We are settling in to our new normal around here. It’s been pleasantly drama free (for the most part) since my husband moved out. I’m getting used to not having anyone here at the house except for the boys. Up until yesterday I still hadn’t watched any of the shows we watched together. I finished all of Outlander. Thankfully the new season starts tonight.

This past weekend, the kids went to visit him for the first time. He out of the blue on Friday told me he was having the house appraised. He was attempting to get the house payment lowered. It didn’t work since this is not his primary residence anymore. Hah! Anyway, he came to the house to meet the appraiser around 10:15 on Saturday morning. Afterwards he took the kids. They were not going to spend the night, just through dinner time with him. They left and I took off for Lowe’s. I ended up painting the entire living room and dining room area. I knew I would need something to occupy my time.

3:30 pm came along and I got a text saying the boys were bored and he was bringing them back. That was about 4 hours earlier than I expected. He was upset when he came back with them. Not at them or me. At himself. Because he knows he put them in this awkward situation. It’s going to take time for them to get used to being over there. Without me. And with her there.

I suggested that on Sunday maybe he take them swimming at the Y. That way it was something familiar to them and they would enjoy it. So he did. They came home a lot happier that night.

For the most part I have been avoiding looking at his Facebook page, although today my curiosity got the better of me. I had to see what he may have posted. And boy did he post. A huge long post with about 4 pictures of her or both of them together. How they met and how happy he is etc. Then he kind of gives the 411 on what has happened. Saying he knows some people will wonder who she is and why he wasn’t saying those things about me. Basically saying how shitty of a husband he was and that he was sorry for how he sprung things on me, but not for leaving. That he wished nothing but the best for me and wanted to be a good dad and a loyal friend to me.

Some bitch commented and said “I hope that even though she is hurt (if she even is) that she can respect the honesty” along with some other bullshit. If I even am?! Bitch he didn’t even put that we had been together for 17 years. Why the hell wouldn’t I be upset? See I am getting a riled up again. This is why I shouldn’t have gone to his page.

I posted a selfie to my page early in the day, just saying that for the first time in 17 years I was my own Valentine. And that it was okay because I love me. That was my way of letting people know what was going on. We hadn’t addressed it to anyone really outside of family and my best friend. I’ve gotten a lot of love for it. I am grateful for all the support.

He video chats with the boys every night. Some nights they are really engaged and others they aren’t. A is easily distracted. And B sometimes just can’t be bothered to do anything but be on his computer. Tonight we called him and neither one was in the best of moods. So he cuts the call short. You can tell he is upset. But again it’s only with himself because he’s the one that put them in this situation.

The other night when he dropped them back off, he didn’t even come inside. The kids came in the door and he was already pulling out of the driveway. I called him because A had brought in a bag he wasn’t supposed to from the car. I could tell in his voice that he was upset. He ended up texting me after we hung up and said that it was too hard to see me.

Then later, he sent me a few text messages. He said he wishes he had left without starting a relationship with her because then maybe after he had lived on his own maybe we could have gotten back together. Or maybe he would have eventually found someone else. He hates that he can’t come in and watch a show with me because it would upset her. And the fact that he’s with her upsets me. I don’t think he’s telling her all of this of course.

I think even with his Facebook post today he’s regretting a lot. I knew it would happen. I tried to tell him not to let her move in with him. But he wanted to make his own mistakes. I could just be reading everything wrong too. Who knows. I just know that I am making it and am okay. I am purposefully not liking his posts or commenting things I really want to. Not letting them see me sweat so to speak. I figure silence may be my best weapon.