The Vampirism of Facebook in SMF's Advice & Self Help Column

I've seen many people complain about the use of Facebook...more so than Twitter in my experience so far.

Why is that?

If you look at Facebook's site structure compared to Twitter site structure, it is quite different. Facebook...it is like you are literally peering into someone's life. Sure, you see snapshots of their lives with their statuses and pictures, BUT to me, the interface of Facebook allows people to willingly study or look longer at these people's lives. Depression starts to set in for those of us whose lives don't mirror the lives of our Facebook "friends." If you are someone like me, who doesn't plan on having children, but you have 200 friends (I only have 68 friends on my Facebook page) who continuously talk about their children, uploading pictures of their children, and showing you how "good" their lives are, it is too much to bare. For you, you start feeling like you aren't a "normal" person for being "behind" and comparing yourself to not having what they have...

The representation of the American Dream.

Which is...

Having a great job. Having a great spouse. Having a great house. Having great interior design in the house. Having babies. Having vacations.

I understand how you guys feel out there. Four years ago, I used to have over 200 friends on my Facebook account. Many from college. Some from high school. After my high school reunion, you know what I did:

I drastically REDUCED the Facebook friend's pool, and the way I interpret Facebook use for myself is...

If you are my friend in real life, then, we are cool. Facebook is another way we can communicate. If you were a friend from high school, and I just think you are an amazing person after all these years, you are cool for school. If you are family that I don't need to hide from in the SMF's witness protection program, you are staying because you are cool for school.

Basically, I got people on my Facebook account that I really dig and can beyond tolerate.

And I still clean house from time to time because...

The way I see it, if you don't want to participate in my life or drop by for a few likes, you lose the privilege of seeing parts of my life. I have the choice to share my life with whoever I believe is worthy. And sometimes in life, folks aren't worthy in seeing you anymore.

Here is my experienced advice concerning whether or not you should lose or keep Facebook friends:

First, let me start off by saying to all of you who are bothered by the bombarding of people's pictures of their families, their material wealth, or their adventures to other places....

There is nothing wrong with you except for if you become entirely obsessed with other peoples' lives, then that's a problem. Look at it this way from Shakespeare famous monologue, in As you Like It, "All the World's a Stage" from Act II Scene VII:

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts"

You have to understand that this entire world is our stage...and we are players in it. Some of us know how to play the game in a graceful way...and some of us play the game in an arrogant way. All in all, to be honest, we all have "played" the part of showing what cards we want to show. Just because you see that someone on Facebook has a great life, you really concretely don't know if they are COMPLETELY happy with their lives. It is telling what people show you and what they DON'T show you. Remember that. It may appear that they have it on easy street, but they don't. People will only show each other the good parts and not the bad because we've been "trained" by society to show superficial cards to one another instead of showing what kind of cards we really have.

Second, do you really need that many friends?

It's nothing really wrong with Facebook in itself...it is all about the people on Facebook. It is just like religion or politics. It is nothing wrong with the concepts themselves, but it is the people behind it that make whatever concept good or bad.

Listen, we all demonstrate selfish or shallow behavior. We are human. We are flawed. If we were so perfect, we wouldn't have war, famine, and evil. We have a bright side as well as a dark side. Facebook only shows the reflections of what people's mirrors look like. Yes, most people who are mothers or fathers...or who are marry, tend to have children. Not many people are childless compared to how many do have children. If children and being married is a center of a lot of folks' world, then, that's what it is. If you get tired of looking at all of this saturation of familial experiences and these people aren't your close friends, get rid of them.

No, it doesn't make you a horrible person. It makes you more of an authentic person. You don't need all those friends peering into your life. Slender your list down. And ask yourself...

How many people really care about me that are worthy to see my Facebook page? It is the same thing in your life. If you aren't going to hang with them in your real life, then, they don't need to be on your Facebook page in my opinion.

Last but not least, again, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Yes, we are human beings, and we need to be around people. The majority of us are social creatures. But as I get older I've learned that it is about the quality of who is in your life...not quantity of how many are in your life.

Yes, I know a lot of people, but I only selectively have several confidantes. More than ever, I don't want everyone knowing my business unless they are extremely important to me. You can care about people. You can socialize with them...and they can be your acquaintance. I am going to be blunt with the honesty because some of you need to hear it like I had to learn how to deal with it.

NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU. AND NOT EVERYONE IS SUPPOSED TO LIKE YOU.

And that's okay, people. It is okay. You are one of a kind, and you will only attract people who like YOU. You will only gravitate towards people who are similar like You. It is called ATTRACTION for a reason. Not everyone can be your friend. And you aren't going to meet everyone. And everyone that you were friends with...not all of them are going to make the cut.

It's called a part of life...and natural selection...and growing up. People grow up, and they evolved. What you like today is what you may not like the next time. That taco that tasted good on Monday...may not taste right several future Mondays when you try it again...or it might taste better than the one you had several Mondays after that. Facebook can become a vampire if you choose to let it suck all your positive energy.

Don't let it. You can choose to shut it off anytime. And you can hack off whatever friends that aren't on your team ANYTIME. It is going to be okay. Because there are truly people who really do care about you and have your back. Get rid of the haters!!! SMF