The Talk in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

So… it didn’t take long. I came home. Pet the dog. Showed Martha that I bought stuff for dinner. Then she discussed how all she had done today was homework for her Biology lab because it took her all day to figure out how to use Excel. So… she didn’t play with the dog. She didn’t walk the dog. She didn’t call any apartments. She didn’t get the car title in her name. She didn’t get her own bank account. She spent at least 5 hours trying to learn Excel and doing a Biology Lab.

So, I brought up how she didn’t like the apartment that we looked at yesterday and how she said that there were better apartments closer to campus. So I asked… okay, when do you think you’ll be able to make those phone calls? Her response? “Whenever I feel like I’ve properly taken care of my school work.” WHAT?! Considering you do school work until bed time every day that is an unacceptable answer. To which she starts going on about how she wishes she could explain to me how her brain works and why her school work takes so much time and how it is all a matter of her brain function not working properly and it is all about school and.... I put my hand up to quiet her. I told her that I wanted to know if she’d be able to make any of those apartment phone calls this week. She scoffed, kind of guffawed, and said “Maybe at the end of the week, but doubtful.”

So… I let the frustration and disappointment show in my voice. I told her that it feels like she’s just trying to wait me out, hoping I’d change my mind. Her eyes went wide and she immediately started saying, “No. That isn’t it. That isn’t it at all. It’s just all this school work!”

I said that it has been too long. “This started in November. So that’s November, December, January, and no February. FOUR months. In four months, you haven’t found a place that would tell you what rent would cost or set up your own bank account or packed a box or done anything that could be considered forward momentum on this thing.” I laid out how she’s done nothing. And she started to make excuses again, blaming school.

So I jumped in before she finished her first sentence. I told her that this is exactly what she has always done. Always. In every issue with our relationship, it boils down to.... Martha needs to do something in her life, she finds excuses why she can’t, and then she sits around waiting for someone else to do the work for her. She needs to start doing things like this for herself. And soon!

With that, she did what she always does. Stifled the tears, put on a brave face, and went back to whatever she was doing. Her silent announcement that she would now be entering the Silent Treatment stage of her “processing”. So I went downstairs. And Nala came, too. She brought 4 toys down with her as she is desperate for someone to pay attention to her. So she and I have been playing while I wrote this.

So… that’s what happened. I told Martha to start getting her shit together. She said she was too busy with school. I told her that I’ve been patient enough. She threw her own version of a hissy fit. So now, Nala and I are in the basement until it is time to cook dinner.