February ninth in Journal 2020

So. Yeah life’s been sicky.

I’ve been trying to talk to John, Lili or Kayden about stuff. But I pretty much gave up. I just. Gave up for a good reason, just trust me on this. Something happened yesterday that is to exhuasting to even write up about and it’s something you can guess that happened from everything I write about.

Like John only talks to me when he wants to sext. It’s whatever. I don’t know how I expected him to want to talk to me, he hasn’t had a really long convo with me that he seems to enjoy for a while. Months ago. He seems just dissapointed/unsure of what to with me and tells me I have nothing in my life to worry about so stop worrying about everything.

I don’t care. My reddit friend (Random is his user idk why I haven’t said it yet) says I need to open up more about things and try to talk to my friends more. I keep saying I’ll try, but it never works out. I’d much rather us talk about vocaliod or anime as we’ve done before, but he’s honestly worried about me. It makes me feel crap.

Yes I am aware I probably shouldn’t be proud of my small size. That’s it pathetic. Or that I should hate my personality. But you guys commenting these things constantly just doesn’t add anything to help…it just makes it worse so idk…I really don’t.

New potential friends ghosting me....more of the same…see this is why I haven’t written anything lately I don’t have much new to say. Sadly :( you’d honest grow more depressed yourself reading what’s been happening lately.

My home life isn’t to great as usual. See everything’s sucky as usual and I don’t really know what to say. I’ve honestly been exhuasting myself online joining new groups and taking to people for them to only lose interest when they see how ugly I look or how I talk. It’s. Whatever. Let me just move on before I upset myself or my readers.

I’ve started to meditate again which is good. One of the few good things I’ve found. I got a tarot reading which made me really happy and I’ve started to listen to true from videos while I surf the web. Three diamonds in the ruff.

Last updated February 10, 2020