LachrymoseBeauty
My journals sort through some things, my feelings and my faith mostly. I'm dealing with some major psychological problems but writing it out helps alot. All of these journals are intended to remain anonymous. If you somehow discover my identity please be respectful and keep this space and my thoughts private.
Entries 248
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Moving On in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Usually when I lose my job I am sad for a day. I am usually anxious about finding a new job. I worry about paying the bills because that was what my job was. It was a paycheck. But then after I’v...
Plea in My Fucking Feelings
I’ve all but given up on diet and exercise. I forgot my medicine today and spent the day praying I wouldn’t sunk from the anxiety and depression. Work has become very stressful with the lack of a...
I Used to Love My Job in My Fucking Feelings
But it seems like today I did everything wrong. Or maybe someone just decided it was all my fault. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between the two. They took away the only day I work with my frie...
Irreplacable Objects Should Not Be Taken To Bars in Short Thoughts
I guess I lost my pin at the show the other night. The one with Austin on it. I shouldn’t have worn it out. :(
Fridays Suck? in My Fucking Feelings
I love my job but on fridays the tension builds in my muscles until I feel I could explode. Currently hiding in my car for lunch, hoping the rest of the day sails by fast. How strange is it that ...
Fiending in Short Thoughts
You are like a drug that I always need more of.
Why!? in Short Thoughts
Did an abdominal work out. Feel like I’m doing. I might puke. I didn’t even finish the darn thing. This is much more difficult than anticipated. Owwww!
Must I Beg? in Short Thoughts
Talk to me. I miss your voice.
Tired Brain in Short Thoughts
The anxiety and stress is really eating at me today for some reason.
1st Date in My Fucking Feelings
I made a mistake. I let myself hope. I forced myself to dream. I saw a life with a guy like you. In the woods, laughing having fun. The dog, the kids, the adventure. I let myself get comfortable ...
Fantasy in My Fucking Feelings
I need a vacation. I’m not much of a Cinderella but lately I find myself fantasizing about a mysterious man swooping me off my feet and taking me to the country or the beach or some new exotic lo...
The Lies My Brain Tells in My Fucking Feelings
My rain is lieing to me again. It does that. This time it is trying to convince me that everyone in the world is uncomfortable with me. People are all avoiding me it says. It surely must have bee...
For Those Who Are Bored in My Fucking Feelings
A list of quests: Teach me how to make math fun. Give me an article to read with some good advice for my life. Drop me a video of some local rock. Show me a picture from your world. Write me a ve...
Dear Readers in My Fucking Feelings
Do you understand how important you are to me? Do you get it? Do you know that I tell you things I couldn’t tell my family? Do you understand that your words mean the world to me? Do you know tha...
Trying Not to Give In in Short Thoughts
Ever watched yourself slowly go insane? https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ez17h1EkK8&feature=share Please pray for me. It’s just starting to be too much. I can’t shake it off when people are...
Why!? in Short Thoughts
Am I okay? No. Nerves, anxiety Seeing double meanings behind everything. Ahhh brain… It’s sleeping time. Sleep, Please please sleep!
It's been a night. in My Fucking Feelings
I felt horrible so I went to have a beer and hear you sing. I feel better now. I was glad you were nice to me even though I’m sure you didn’t really want me there. Impressions: You want me to kee...
Clouds in My Fucking Feelings
I didn’t go to the prayer meeting today. I got too anxious about it being a new thing. What if they expected me to pray out loud? What if they were trying to pray for only the one thing? I just c...
<3 in Short Thoughts
The Process in My Fucking Feelings
So what’s a guy got to do to date the Phoenix anyway? Well… We aren’t currently accepting applications but you are welcome to leave a resume on file. The position of potential future husband invo...
More Math Rants in My Fucking Feelings
All math teachers must be sadistic. And all math lovers are perhaps masochist. (No offense Anon.) But some are worse than others. For instance, when the problem states “give an exact answer, incl...
Tell My Brain to Simmer the Fuck Down in Short Thoughts
So naturally as I’m doing my math quiz my brain decides it’s the right time to go over every interaction that could have gone terribly wrong without my having noticed. It ran out of J related int...
Bad Day I Guess in My Fucking Feelings
It’s one of those days where I’m wondering if I have any real friends left, any close ones. My besties seem to have alienated me. Almost every old reliable friend I’ve ever had seems distant. Not...
Math Trauma in My Fucking Feelings
We can joke and laugh but it’s not a joke for me. Geometry. That’s where it all happened. That’s where I lost J. Guess what I’ll be learning in math this week? I thought last week would be the ha...
In Hindsight in Short Thoughts
It seems as if you were expecting something from me. I’m not sure what social obligation it was that I failed at. A compliment? A tear? A conversation? What was the desired outcome? Were you wait...
