LachrymoseBeauty
My journals sort through some things, my feelings and my faith mostly. I'm dealing with some major psychological problems but writing it out helps alot. All of these journals are intended to remain anonymous. If you somehow discover my identity please be respectful and keep this space and my thoughts private.
Entries 248
Page 5 of 10
Triggered... oh, wait, its kewl in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
So I came here to type an entry about having some ptsd triggered by an amazing, realistic anime. Then I saw everyone else’s problems. Now mine seem a bit petty. So I was abused. Didnt feel like ...
Adequate Compensation in Short Thoughts
People spend a lot of time at work. I always hear people complain about work and say they wish they didnt have to work. Here’s the truth: If all you get out of your job is money then they aren’t ...
It's back, but where will I put them all? in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
There it is again. The sadness. It creeps It snakes Claws it’s way gently up my spine. The pills dont keep it away anymore. But what happened? Why should I feel sad? Is this my emotion? Or someon...
How?? in Short Thoughts
How do you get motivated to do things? Even when they are really boring. I cant keep my attention on this, but I need to get it done. It’s not hard work, just so freaking boring.
Speaking of Friends in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
So here I am again, old friend, having conversations with you in my head that we will probably never have. I haven’t the courage to try for a connection with so many people around. I barely have ...
Playing Pretend in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
Why do I feel so broken? Hearts scared and mind askew. I am different know. I dont know why. I’m like a paper mache mess. Sloppily glued together to appear whole. I’m not sure what shape this is....
I Should Be Happy in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
I should be happy. I’m seeing Ozzy and Stone Sour. I should be thrilled. But all I can think about is how great it would be if you were here, Jay. How much fun wed have jamming out. Your girl wou...
Free in Short Thoughts
:( in Short Thoughts
I know I did the right thing. I did what I had to do. But I already miss you. Goodnight.
And just like that the tapestry caught fire in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction
We weave our dreams together, Carefully, Strand by hesitant strand. We share pieces of ourselves, And slowly we form a plan. Our hopes, Or goals, Our delights, Our woes, Our sins, And our souls. ...
I'm Afraid in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
Im afraid to sleep in my own bed. Last night I woke up to his face between my legs. Most women would be happy. But we talked about this. Repeatedly. I told him not until we are married. Then he s...
Why is it? in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay
That I start to feel uneasy about you? I’m less and less satisfied. Maybe I’m just growing cold. Your words are dangerous, ‘There is no sin.’ Lies. And why? Are you consoling me? Or yourself? An ...
Ripples in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
Our words and actions affect the world around us more than we are willing to acknowledge. We can turn people into monsters, creating a backlashing of violent ripples that eventually affect us all...
What is coming? in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
How many prophets can one girl meet? How many does she need? What is my place in this? I feel I’m dangling on the edge of insanity. Is my life never normal? Or am I so bored that I’ve fabricated ...
I have to tell him in Maniacs, Prophecy, and Old Friends
I have to tell him tonight. About J. But he told me he wouldn’t want to know. But how can I consider marrying someone who I cant tell everything to. Who doesn’t understand. I cant let secrets com...
Sometimes Life Moves Too Fast in My Fucking Feelings
And I feel like I cant keep up. My son is amazing. Hes learning things that kids twice his age have just discovered. He is so mature. I am so proud of him. My new boyfriend, hes amazing too. He a...
The Phantom in My Fucking Feelings
How do I get you out of my head? I watched Phatom of the Opera today. It’s my absolute favorite. I almost cried. She chose wrong. If that childhood friend of hers loved her so much where was he w...
Stuck on You in My Fucking Feelings
Here I am, aching for you again. Every night is the same. I should just disappear a while. Let you be. Until one day you have the courage to again approach me. It is so very hard to do. For the o...
They say it's PTSD. Silly. in My Fucking Feelings
Sometimes I just want to turn the world off for a while. I sit here thinking of you. I’ve meticulously absorbed myself in video games to keep those thoughts away but they always return. There are...
Tired in My Fucking Feelings
Tired of being strong. Tired of being the happy silly drunk girl. Tired of making people laugh at my expense. Tired of fighting for the attention of the unworthy. Tired of pushing g away those th...
Disappointment in Short Thoughts
I guess I wasn’t invited after all… I hope they are different. I hope they are real. I should know better. Sad.
Wasted Tears in My Fucking Feelings
Memories burn in my soul. An eternal fire that never dulls. A burrow in my heart Like a huge scar That I cover with a sticker See? I’m great! Never better. But the scar never fades The coals neve...
Stress and Feeling Pretty in My Fucking Feelings
I convinced myself to log on and write. Ivr been meaning too for a while I just never get to the writing part. Been having a rough time. My therapist thinks I might have ptsd. I was going to writ...
Tension in My Fucking Feelings
Why do I keep holding onto hope that someday, somehow we will be together? Why does it feel like we were meant to be? That’s clearly bogus. If I could just convince myself the whole thing is craz...
Grey in My Fucking Feelings
Everyday is grey. It’s difficult to motivate myself to do anything. I have a million projects to work on and I finally have some time. Instead I’ve been playing games on my computer. I should tak...
