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Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...

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Got super anxiety today during a video chat with Chey. I dont think it was about the call or about her. I think it was always there and I’ve just been burying it and distracting myself with phone...

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Peak thinking time and motivation today: 4pm

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Woke up with this terrible fear that something happened to my son while we were in another state. Out of nowhere. What is this? Panic attack? Bad dream? Mothers intuition? I dont even know what t...

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It just hasn’t been the same without you Jay. The rock scene feels empty. I dont know why I bother going out anymore. Maybe I wont. Miss you terrible.

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She cried on the phone today like I’ve never heard her cry before. It was scary because she never cries. She’s always been the strong one. I still don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what to...

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It would seem that the days I have trouble getting you off my mind are the difficult days. The days when I feel like I’m shaking apart and might be better off dead than feeling like this. My mind...

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All the stress and anxiety from being constantly around my triggers is wearing me down. I’m shutting down. Avoiding people. Feel overwhelmed all the time. Dont have a safe place to chill and cope...

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Does anyone know where I can go to get a free or low cost college education as a foreigner. I desperately want to go to med school. It’s too expensive here. Let me know how it works where you are...

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I am afraid. I’m afraid I will die before I get to see the world and chase my dreams and raise my child. And I’m afraid I’ll never see you again. I’m afraid I’ll never get to have one of those s...

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Perhaps they are where hope goes to die. I dreamed of you again last night Jay. Twice. The first dream I remembered having had before. I don’t remember much now. In the 2nd dream it was Christmas...

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I’m in such an I’ll contented mood right now and I don’t even know why. I’ll be driving again in about a week. I should be happy. This is the missing piece of the puzzle. Now I can work again and...

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My life is in a bad place all around. I know I’m supposed to be positive but first Ima just dump some things here they’ve been bothering me. 1. A guy put his dick in me without permission and now...

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I’m sitting in the calm before the storm, Wondering if it’ll be worth it this time. Or if maybe this time, The storm I conjured with raw honesty Will finally drown me for good. I asked for what I...

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I actually really enjoyed quarantine when I was in my own house. But here I’m trapped. I’m bored. I have nobody to talk to and just bullshit. It’s too cold to go outside. I cant sleep. This bed h...

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So I’ve been struggling with these thoughts not knowing if it’s a good idea to write them here. Having no idea who might be reading this, but I figure I’ll just say fuck it and go ahead. So if yo...

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My brains not having an easy time of it today. Hormones are a factor. Stress is a factor. But ultimately what it comes down to is that bad days are inevitable so let’s do that positivity thing ag...

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And then my mother walked in and destroyed the beautiful sun, covering the sky with cloud. No sunset, no beautiful storm, just ugly grey clouds. She’s ridiculous. Absolutely no fucks given for pe...

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The show was amazing on a whole new level. But of course now I’m overthinking every social encounter I had the entire night, like I do. Jay jumped off the stage and proposed to his girlfriend an...

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Its not time to get ready for the show yet but I’ve been mentally getting ready for days. Feels like I cant breathe. Not literally just mentally. Haven’t been sleeping well and I’m probably gonna...

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Not feeling very positive today so I’m here to practice. I’m gonna leave put all the bad stuff. Only positive statements. Here goes. I’m talking to a really cute girl who seems interested in me....

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The truest realizations about life can be hard to handle. I had a breakthrough or two the last couple days and I figured it might be wise to write them down. Maybe it’ll be an entry of more subst...

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Couldn’t sleep yesterday. Cant sleep again today. I can pretend its because I’m sick, but truth be told, everytime I close my eyes I’m back at summer camp and Jay’s making me cry for the first ti...

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So I drove all the way here. Five and a half hours. Messed up my hotel reservation, had 200 bucks go missing from my account, exposed my son to covid and didnt even get to see Jay. His band pulle...

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Communication. Communication. Something I seem to be failing at. I’ve been told from the very beginning. Need to work on this. Need to do it better. ADHD. Emotional instability. I’m sick of my o...

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