Asenath Waite ⋅ 52 ⋅
Asperger's, plus PTSD, or very possibly Borderline Personality disorder; with severe anxiety, and antisocial traits. Hell hath no fury like a long undiagnosed aspie whose been kicked around her entire life. I lack the subtlety or the brawn to be a serial killer, so I'll write about it instead, and see if that helps at all; though I doubt it very seriously.
"I know that light is not for me; yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men."
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Taking a break from the daily maintenance cleaning. Don boiled chicken for the cats, I deboned it, and now I’m cleaning the stove. Tomorrow or the next day he’s patching the garage roof. He did ...
Relationships part two: Comparing mine to other people's in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Comparing my situation to other people I’ve known in decade + long relationships: The long and short of it is I’ve never personally seen one without some kind of animosity and/or uneven power dy...
Relationships, part one: Mine. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
I complain about Don a lot, but he’s not an objectively “bad” partner. He’s really rude to me an average of once a month, immediately followed by him cooking me meals and speaking to me softly fo...
Melancholy misty morning. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Every time he’s nice this long, I start to irrationally wonder if it’ll stay this way, but after two and a half decades, I know better, and it sucks. I could actually be “happy” if things were st...
I'm a terrible person. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
One of my favorite gaming streamers is French. Since it would sound xenophobic of me, I’ll say it here: It took me a while to figure out that he swears, because it sounds like “Feck dat sheet!”. ...
Wherein I rant about "fate". in The Big, Blue House, year one.
So my favorite niece posts a LOT of cheesy, quasi-inspirational memes. “Step by step you’ll get there”, “You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want”, “Just try to understand that everyt...
On vacuums, and the film "Glorious". in The Big, Blue House, year one.
So I’ve completely disassembled, and cleaned the Shark vacuum. I had to, because it was clogged with cat hair. Not from my cats, as one would expect, but from the previous owners’ cat(s). The car...
Assorted anxieties about The Male. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Let me state that I’ve referred to him as The Male since long before Prosebox. It’s not an insult, just the the best title I could come up with for someone I’ve lived with for decades without mar...
October movies list, and assorted mediocrity. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
The house is gaining 1.4 - 4% a month on Zillow. I realize Zillow can be wildly inaccurate, but it’s still fun to watch. We really got lucky with this place. The sparrows were late to eat today....
I had a long chat with my mentally unwell niece. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
It’s getting harder and harder to sympathize with her, or to see the little girl I knew in the eighties, when we were both kids, and neighbors. She says she’s quit her job, and moved in with her...
My favorite niece needs help. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
She has delusional bipolar, like her father, my half brother. I don’t know a lot about it, beyond the problems he has that our mother described to me, and what I saw of it when he came to visit w...
Trying a different tactic with Don. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
He’s wanted a small business since I met him. We’ve got a heat press, a Silhouette, boxes of tee shirts and vinyl, boxes of inventory, (incense, burners, Kreepsville purses and shirts, pagan deit...
Home Depot sent me the wrong rug. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
I put together this huge order, theoretically everything we’d need to have for repairs known and unknown for the next year, to justify the $80 delivery fee, and I included a rug that looked so pr...
Human moods seem arbitrary most of the time. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
I often tell people that I don’t know what to say, and I don’t like to reply to messages or try to have a conversation unless I’m as awake as possible. What I actually mean is that I don’t know w...
My social anxiety, and my niece's far worse issues. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Things continue to go reasonably well. I watered the shrubs yesterday, and put some jack o lanterns in the windows. There’s a spigot for a hose at the front of the house, and a hose hook, but the...
And now everything's fine again. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Which is why I keep a diary of the bad days. When things are bad, all I can see is all of the bad days we’ve had, and it looks like a complete waste of time. When things are fine, all I can see a...
Stare too long into the abyss... in The Big, Blue House, year one.
I watched the more recent iteration of The Suicide Squad. A much better movie than I expected. The message of friendship, family, loyalty and love was both cheerful, and soul crushing. I used to...
Trudging along in The Big, Blue House, year one.
He’s still sleeping on the couch, so I plundered the kitchen and made a cheeseburger. Got some trash bags, and fresh bowls for the cats. The cats have feeding stations all over the house, so I ca...
Aaand he hates me again. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
I got two whole weeks of decent behavior before it broke tonight, as I knew it inevitably would. He huffed at me because I didn’t hear what he was saying as I was walking past. When I misunderst...
Assorted mediocrity in The Big, Blue House, year one.
For this to work I suppose I need to actually type something at least once a week, even when there’s nothing noteworthy to type about. It’s hard for me to articulate most of the time, which frank...
I'm trying in The Big, Blue House, year one.
Don has been rude to me regularly for going on two weeks. I am in a constant state of stress, trying to do my daily activities while avoiding him as much as possible. It’s hard. I’m turning the w...
4 a.m. in the big, blue house. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
This house is weird late at night. I get spooked easily, and I realize it’s no Victorian mansion, with its fourteen rooms and thirteen closets, but it’s huge for just two people. It’s the biggest...
New therapist. in The Big, Blue House, year one.
In her picture, she looks to be twenty-something. There’s something degrading about telling your woes to someone half your age, who went to college and is being paid specifically to listen to the...
Quotidian Diary Attempt in The Big, Blue House, year one.
So I’m supposed to write about my daily life? It’s so dull. I mean I prefer dull, as the opposite, (exciting), generally involves some tragedy or extreme stress. But I don’t honestly think my exi...
What's an appropriate 26 Year anniversary gift? in The Big, Blue House, year one.
On a limited budget, (say $200 or less), for a man who neither needs nor wants anything? I have some time, October 26th is the day. I generally get him rings, gargoyles, and steaks. That and R...
