Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ 36 ⋅
Wife / Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Nutrition Science Buff / Ultra Frugal (Cheap!) Lifestylist / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
If you do not possess a deep capacity for Anger, your Compassion or so-called Gentleness means nothing to me.
Entries 444
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I didn't sleep in Journal
last night. I probably got up at least 6 times, although I lost count. I was thinking about my horse, Cloud. The feeling that I was experiencing throughout my pregnancy and postpartum recovery; ...
The feeling I get when I have sadness, grief, anger, or any “negative” emotion is to become anxious and worried about how it will affect those around me. It is an immediate response. Oh no- I’m ...
I talked to DH for almost an hour and he didn’t run away! I feel like we both got to voice our side/opinion and how we felt. The emotions were negative ones, but we both have a lot of negative em...
random survey in Journal
1) What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? Living up to it 2) Did you accept or deny your last friend request? Deny, probably. I don’t remember but I don’t add many ...
Hate in A Childhood Lost
I don’t remember when it was that I began to hate my dad. I think it was somewhere between 5 and 6 years old. I think it was around then because I can remember as a 5 year old, I was in daycare h...
Yesterday, in Journal
I brought the value argument to DH for how I perceive him. Because of lack of direct communication, I’m forced to merely witness his value system through his actions. He said that he understood. ...
What did I get out of Public School? in A Childhood Lost
I went to my cousin’s kids birthday party this weekend, and it was incredibly sad. Her kids are 6, 8, and 13. The eldest is a very intelligent girl. She’s smart, sociable, affable, funny, and ve...
Exercise 1: Faults in Journal
Always I am cognizant and critical of others’ faults. I continually scan people for their faults, and ignore or take for granted their positive aspects and virtues. It would seem to me that I reg...
Facebook in A Childhood Lost
It triggers a part in me that needs to be Heard. Hear me, dammit! I AM a person! I HAVE a voice! I exist. I spoke with that part today. She was 2 years old. Just 2 years old. A small, angry ball...
Narcissist? in Journal
So I decided to tell my therapist about my mom today. I really like my therapist because she is level headed and, I think, very objective. I told her that I’m not looking to be ‘supported’, but r...
Am I Insane? in Journal
Sometimes I really do wonder. I know they say that if you can ask that question, you’re not insane. But then I wonder if they say that as a consolation for the insane. After all, the insane are...
Loneliness, My Oldest Friend. in Journal
You comfort me and hold me while I have no one else. You’re here with me even others are close. You guard me against their efforts to come between us. You are a jealous friend; never letting me l...
How *Not* to RTR in Journal
How not to talk to your loved ones, rule #1; Tell them what to do! Yes indeed, tell them that you know exactly what they’re doing wrong, and try to control the situation. It always ends in disast...
My Mother the Tor-Mentor in Journal
I was telling a friend how I was grieving the mentoring that I never got as a child, teenager or even young adult. I feel like I am learning all the things right now that should have been instil...
Talking, Talking, Talking in Journal
I resent having to ask the hard questions and then getting attacked for it. We have a great conversation about our son’s naming- my hero and idol in the realm of science, a certain Austrian doct...
My Dad showed up at my house the other day without any warning. He didn’t call, didn’t text, never mentioned that he wanted to stop by at all. In fact I didn’t even realize that it was him until ...
Discovering Parenthood in Journal
is uncovering everything that went wrong with my childhood. And if I do not condemn that, I will not change. If I don’t internalize the condemnation of evil, wrong, or abusive actions, then I wi...
the things that I never knew existed. It’s sort of like walking around all your life with holes in your pockets. And then discovering a new pair of pants with intact pockets. Nothing falls out. ...
When you Try in Journal
It feels really good. I feel like you care. I feel like you want to be around. I feel wanted. I feel valued. And I know it’s just as much my fault when I don’t feel this way. I know that I can b...
Revelation in Journal
This morning I was making coffee and I began to ponder. I pondered and I thought and I pondered. (Yes I’ve been reading Winnie the Pooh to my son lately, lol) I wondered why my mother told me th...
I Gave Up on You in Journal
That’s what my mom said to me yesterday. When I asked her about what choices she thought she didn’t have. When I pushed and prodded and dug and tried to uncover the real reason for her abandonme...
I find it very annoying that you come back with these excuses. I have noticed this pattern repeating in fashion for the last year or so, since we began talking about my childhood. You said to me...
Attachments and Bonding in Journal
I realize now that I bonded with animals when I was very young. What brought on this realization was observing how our mutual pet cats effortlessly bring out excitement, affection, adoration, an...
I feel like I’ve fallen down a deep dark hole, but perhaps not as bad as it could be. That’s how I always feel, though. In he depths of depression, I deny my own pain and focus on self erasure. ...
is my world, now. He wasn’t before, but he is now. And I’m actually okay with that. I’m quite frankly in love with that. I really love the fact that I can think about HIM and HIS needs, what HE w...
