Entries 444

Page 12 of 18

I haven’t spoken to my dad since my cousin’s wedding in September. He didn’t speak to me at all then, other than giving me a look of disgust when I came to say good-bye. Before that, I hadn’t spo...

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I don’t want much of anything to do with the in-laws. In any case, they don’t want much of anything to do with me. So… why should I be the one to have to placate and assuage? I got really mad at...

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for an apology. I didn’t ask for the impossible. I asked for an open non-blaming conversation for you to take responsibility for your choices and actions for some form of connection, if you want...

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I feel really good about where I’m going. Not where I’m at. But… where I’m going is pretty great. I had dreams last night about telling the truth. I kept turning on everyone who was trying to blo...

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So I sent J (my mom) an email basically telling her to stop with all the shit. Yeah, I was angry. Why? Well. I told her like 3 times that I’m not willing to put up with her projections anymore. ...

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to the game. Story of my life. I’m a bully. I’m a bitch. I just want to get my way, and am willing to do “whatever works” to get it. Well. That is a slight exaggeration. But mostly true. I fe...

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So, my mom (J) is insane. I think I kind of already knew that. You know, when you have to survive someone’s parenting, you really get to know them. Probably better than you get to know anyone. ...

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I feel happy. Elated. Relieved. Free J (my mother) came out and told me exactly what I needed to hear. For that, I feel incredibly grateful. I mean, wow! It’s like a huge weight has been lifted o...

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for connection. That was my entire childhood. I think back on all those awkward moments. You know. The ones that come back and haunt you at night when you’re trying desperately to just turn off...

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masks. I was joking with a friend about making a cheesecloth mask the other day- because let’s face it, cloth masks are worse than useless, uncomfortable, increase face touching, collect a lot of...

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I am sort of… grossed out?… disgusted at myself for some of my past behavior. Not the behavior itself, you see. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, blah blah. No, what I’m grossed out abo...

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Mom, I have thought about our conversation- if it can be called that- from Tuesday. Here are some of my musings, First, I think if you were confused or unsure about my preferences, requests or b...

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about grandparents demanding the time and attention of their grandchildren that strikes me as… vampiric. I told the in-laws that we don’t feel comfortable spending time with the BIL and his BM. ...

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I always feel so tired after talking with my mom. This weekend, mom sent a message to me and my husband inviting us over for dinner. No explanation about her behavior over the last months. No hi...

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What a relief it is to believe that it’s all just me. If it’s me, then it can be fixed! The part of me that wants the problem to be me is desperate. It wants there to be a problem with me becau...

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feelings. I am deeply sad. I have, for the last few months, acted on principle and faith that DH would “do the right thing” and commit himself to our marriage. But.... he hasn’t. I should not ...

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DH and I were driving back from his parents’ after we’d dropped off chickens (yes you read right), and had to stop because.... On the way out, we noticed that a fairly sizeable tree had fallen a...

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Not sure what changed, because I definitely used to care. Perhaps it is simply that I’m beginning to recognize that it really doesn’t matter whether I care or not. I look at the people around m...

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3 kids. Yeah. It’s so weird to say what I want and not have this sens of guilt and shame. Like, I can only ask for things that do not require work, sacrifice, any kind of obligation on anyone el...

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I get a low grade anxiety around some people. Not all people. I used to think it was just me. There’s something wrong with me that I become anxious and preoccupied in social situations. I would...

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I haven’t seen or spoken to my mom at all in the last 2 months- since the beginning of September- but 3 times. All 3 times, she has acted incredibly strange. The first time was at my cousin’s b...

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was never good. I’m not sure why, exactly. But you always thought the worst of me. And you often told me so. You’re a brat. You’re spoiled. You’re manipulative. Why don’t you care? You really hu...

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Oh my goodness, my son’s waldorf doll just came in the mail and I am In Love with it! It’s just so cozy feeling- stuffed with wool and made with high quality cotton, by hand-! Yes I did splurge o...

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I finally told my best friend about my troubles with my mom. I’ve known my best friend since, well, since forever. She didn’t seem at all surprised when I told her what I was going through. She ...

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had a very young looking pastor officiating. I honestly didn’t listen to most of it. Holding a squirmy baby, and the immediate monotonous and droning tone he took on at the very start was off put...

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