Melancholy

Fits & Spurts - Rants & Raves - Life & Home

I Am I Said, I Am I Cry

Neil Diamond

Entries 25

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June 29, 2016

A Dog Named Chloe in I am I Said.

My world just lost about 10 pounds of joy. At approximately 12:45 p.m. I, with the assistance of Dr. Leslie, helped Chloe over the bridge. She went peacefully and quickly and never flinched and w...


Sounds cliche, right? For me, it was true. I lost my best friend Vinny today. He had a massive heart attack at home this morning. I cannot stop sobbing thinking of his mother, who when her son M...


I’ve officially received all of my “you’re qualified and the interview went well - but - we went with someone else. Please keep applying.” Ha, I was also denied food stamps. :P Based on the UE be...


Yesterday I was not my best self. I don’t know where I have gone. I desire to do nothing. I desire to be nothing. I am broken in an unfamiliar way. I am unable to read the repair directions. I ...


All I fucking wanted to do was go to the post office and mail my fucking application and have it sent with a signed receipt so I made sure it was going to get there. It took me 3-hours to do the ...


Meh. I turned off and tuned out of Facebook today. A friend sent the police to my door yesterday on a “wellness check”. All because I said I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, I am wicked ...


Oye, so, IT happened. IT being me needing medical attention and not having health insurance coverage any longer. Yay, go me. I knew it would, hell, it’s me after all and if there’s a possibility...


May 11, 2016

Ten Tired Topics in I am I Said.

Anything or anyone Kardashian. Would someone please make their reign of being famous for being self-absorbed, preening, press hounds end? Thank you. Hillary Clinton’s emails. Donald Trump a...


May 09, 2016

Mind Dump in I am I Said.

I’m trying a new strategy in this endless, soul-sucking search for full-time employment -not saying squat about interviews before they’re over.  Maybe holding things close to my chest will bring ...


Dear Dr. ABC, I am writing this letter to you and enclosing a signed medical release.  Please forward all of my medical records to me.  If there is a fee for this, please advise and I will do my...


Add to my fucked up head today: I feel like such a bitch on top of feeling useless, sad, anxious and unwanted, rejected, useless. Went to my psychiatrist today, not really knowing what to expect...


April 28, 2016

Just Like Him in I am I Said.

One day in the Spring of 2014, I received a letter with the familiar handwriting of my father. I didn’t need to see the return address to know it was him, I knew his precise printing as it was f...


April 27, 2016

Insanity in I am I Said.

Insanity is nothing more Than lost dreams And a broken heart.


April 26, 2016

Worthless in I am I Said.

Can you tell me exactly How worthless I am? From the puddle of acid And food Laying in my bulging stomach That wants me to so badly puke it up, To the drops of salt Running down from My swollen r...


As if losing your job of 16-years isn’t enough right before the holidays and a major surgery isn’t enough. As if spending between five to seven hours every day scouring employment websites and ne...


Here I am again, staring at a blank page, holding so many thoughts inside of my head that need to be expressed and let out. I had an online journal for a very long time on another website. It no...


April 20, 2016

Fits & Spurts in I am I Said.

Here I am, blogging now instead of using an online diary website like I did for many decades. That’s gone now. I remain. Welcome to a view inside of my head and heart. If you are easily offe...


Dearest Dixie (Doolittle): My little tiny terror, my best friend, my $8,000.00 dollar rescue puppy. You turn 3-years-old today. When I adopted you I didn’t think think I could love another dog as...


Two hours last night, over two hours last night on the phone with her. She called me finally. I'm past upset just SICK. He's fucking insane and mental...just fucking mental!! She's known abou...


Sickness: so for the past 10-days I have been sick, really sick. A year or two ago I was diagnosed with Lupus. This time it's pneumonia. I got shit from my boss. Nice. 14-years and ... yeah....


June 20, 2014

Cock Blind in I am I Said.

Last night I went to bed early. Medical shit - *again *- some potentially scary shit. Weepy, worried. Tired of getting punch after punch in the gut. The closing of the Deputy Douche chapter -...


Doug & Wendy W* Dear D & W: I hope you forgive me for writing to you after so long, I feel this is necessary for me to finally close the chapter of Christopher and to finally forgive my...


Dear C, W & D: You can chose to rip this up right now without reading, because really, you have every right too. However, I hope you do not. I hope this letter brings you, C, some, I don't ...


Chris: Here are all the fucking bogus love letters and cards you gave me. I've deleted every saved lying email and recycled poem you've ever sent me or they'd be here too. You know, so you can ...


February 07, 2014

Cupid Farts in My Life As I Live It

Pink, ah, the allure of my favorite color lures me here to write, like a sea siren calling her sailors to their death. I had an entire entry in my head. But alas, I am running on less than fume...


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