🌈 JustWillow šŸ¦„ ā‹… 47 ā‹…

Well-behaved women seldom make history…

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Entries 196

Page 3 of 8

October 27, 2020

Hang-up in Once more, with feeling...

It’s this thing I just can’t get past, I don’t know how, not even sure if I could or should. I sit here sometimes and all I want is to hear your voice. I sometimes wish you could see what it’s l...


October 26, 2020

2 1/2 Years in Mental Health

In the two years and five months since the Wanker went to jail, I have accomplished more than in the thirty-nine years and seven months prior. So, I suppose I might have a little something to be ...


October 26, 2020

Dear you, in Phoenix

I would have believed you. If you’d told me what he was like instead of being vague and refusing to talk about it, I would have believed you. By the time I contacted you, I was already unsure and...


I think I was wrong. In therapy, back in 2012, she tried to get me to talk about my mother. My mother who died in 2011. And I said no, no point in talking about that, she’s dead, she’s gone, the...


October 11, 2020

ADHD, Combined Type in Mental Health

ā€œThis, the most common type of ADHD, is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behaviors as well as inattention and distractibility.ā€ To me, it kinda seems like double-whammy ADHD. I wish I o...


September 27, 2020

Motherhood in Mental Health

I’m not cut out for it. I never should have had children. I have never been emotionally equipped to deal with it. I guess I should be thankful that this is the last one I have to go through puber...


September 20, 2020

Is it possible... in Mental Health

…to love you too much? Would it be possible to be overly expressive? Am I? Am I annoying about it? Am I too much? I have recently recognized this thing, this fear, and I don’t know if it’s valid...


September 15, 2020

Unreal in Phoenix

You’re like make-believe. A daydream, a fairy tale, a fantasy. Sometimes I wonder if I made it all up in my mind. Like maybe one day I really did break completely and I’m actually heavily medicat...


September 13, 2020

A study in mushrooms... in Mental Health

Magic mushrooms, that is. Typing is funny. The letters on the screen, hilarious. I am still aware of typos, at least. Okay, so everything above this was written at approximately 9pm last night, S...


September 11, 2020

Would you tell me if... in Mental Health

I was too much? I had become annoying? I was no longer worth it? I talked too much? You didn’t want me around anymore? Or would you pity me? Be afraid of my fragility? Do I seem fragile? I feel f...


September 09, 2020

Love and ADHD. in Mental Health

I’ve always lived under the shadow of the idea that good things would never happen to me because I don’t exactly have a history of good things happening. There were moments in time that I experie...


August 24, 2020

Not fast enough. in Mental Health

I’ve been working on my mental health for 30 years, since I was maybe 12 and first heard of the concept of mental illness. I honestly can’t even remember what it was, that first reference that ma...


I ain’t got none. Kinda lost my shit at work today when I didn’t really need to but had no control over it. Like none. Zero. In an instant, my heart was racing, I was trembling, all the air had b...


July 20, 2020

Out of my league. in Mental Health

That’s how I’ve always felt about pretty much everyone, like I’m just this little nothing small-town girl and I don’t fit in, I’m not good enough, smart enough, educated enough. It’s a particular...


July 19, 2020

Conversation. in Mental Health

I would kill for one right now. Like one of those things where you make a pot of coffee and a friend comes over and you drink coffee and smoke a bunch of cigarettes and maybe some weed, too, and ...


July 17, 2020

Disillusioned. in Mental Health

Sad. Confused. Depressed. Hopeless. There’s just too much bad news. I made a new Facebook account to escape some of it. That was literally easier than going through and un-following a ton of pag...


Children are to be seen and not heard. Those two statements pretty much sum up everything I learned from my mother as a young child. Unfortunately, they have carried over well into adulthood. I s...


…without me. I’ve had this thought pass through my mind more times than I could count. I’m sensitive (overly-sensitive, some would say) and sometimes when my feelings get hurt (and no shame in a...


because that is what trauma survivors do. Unhealed childhood trauma can manifest in a lot of ways, like being a people pleaser, always feeling on high alert, having fears of abandonment, tolerat...


If you are working right now, face-to-face with the public in any way, you are a front-line worker. If you are a server in a restaurant, you are just as at risk of being exposed to COVID-19 as ho...


July 02, 2020

Uncertainty. in Mental Health

I am beginning to recognize some things about the way my brain has been working lately, things I’m feeling not too sure about. Usually when I’m having negative thoughts, I can recognize whether o...


Had one of those today on some cysts on my right parotid gland. A fine needle aspiration, whatever that means. It wasn’t much fun but it wasn’t horrible, either. So, I should know by the end of t...


I’m noticing lately that I’m actually experiencing disgust at ā€œnormalā€ relationship stuff I see on Facebook. Memes and such, you know, things that say, with really poor spelling and grammar, some...


May 14, 2020

Obsessed. in Mental Health

I am obsessive. Well, obsessive-compulsive. One of the things I’m obsessed with is efficiency. I like picking tasks apart and figuring out the most efficient ways of completing them. No, wait, I...


Having you in my life has brought me a sense of peace and security that I’ve never experienced before. I think I have never really believed that someone, anyone, loved me. I mean, romantically. I...


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