The real me
Entries 98
Page 1 of 4
Saying goodbye to one of my horses in Pridesafiordilabbra
I know I haven’t been here in a long time. August 4th I will be having my 27yr horse horse laid to rest. I made the appointment 3 week’s ago. Unfortunately she can barely get up after laying d...
741741 suicide text line in Done drinking.
So I used the text line on Friday. I was feeling down not really suicidal but just needed to vent so I wouldn’t cut. Spent about 45 minutes texting someone and getting shit out brought my anxiety...
Another trigger warning in Done drinking.
Since I cut last night I really want to do it again tonight. The relief and pain bring me back down from what is going on in my head. But im not going cut tonight. Im not In the frantic state I w...
Trigger warning in Done drinking.
Cut tonight. First time in almost 2 years. For whatever reason I just started to freak out and get too much into my thoughts. I tried to avoid cutting by slamming my wrist in the wall a few tim...
Christmas is over in Pridesafiordilabbra
Best Christmas in years. No big crowds just 5 of us Christmas eve. Christmas morning again just 5 of us. My brother left after breakfast he wanted to be at his house incase he lost power. I misse...
Ugh depression is starting to set in in Done drinking.
Days are shorter now. And we have been having grey cloudy days all I want to do is sleep. And that is pretty much what I have been doing lately. I know things will get better when I move into t...
The 29th almost here. in Done drinking.
20 years. This night the 28th as mom was bringing me food at the psych ward. She was going over the big bridge before getting to the hospital when she got a call on her cell phone saying her dad...
Went to the cemetery today in Done drinking.
Went and brought roses to my pepere today. Knowing that I will mostly likely be drunk on the 29th. Had a good cry while there. 20 years later it still hurts that I wasn’t there at the hospital w...
20 years ago in Done drinking.
20 years ago I was transferred from Massachusetts psych ward to a new Hampshire hospital. Yesterday was my nephews last horse show till next year. I don’t plan on ever having kids out of my wo...
Made it thru the 9th in Done drinking.
Survived the 9th. 20 years ago the start of my first hospitalization. It lasted almost 6 weeks. The next big hurdle will be the 29th my pepere/grandpa passed away and I was the only grandchild n...
Wednesday is going to suck. in Done drinking.
Wednesday is coming quickly. The 9th is horrible but the 29th will be worse. I managed to get threw my bad night with no injuries. A great friend called me at 2am after I sent her a text about...
Having a much better night in Done drinking.
Ended up eating junk food last night or should I say 3am. My best friend called me after I sent a text. I had already gotten out of the I want to cut head space but we talked for 30 minutes. She...
Feeling better in Done drinking.
Ate some junk food and talked to a close friend who understands the urge. She will be calling me in about 6 hours. I’m not suicidal what so ever. Cutting just makes things better. But I didn’t do...
Cutting issue September in Done drinking.
September sucks for me. The 9th 20 years ago I was hospitalized for cutting my wrists. Spent almost 6 weeks in a psych ward. My pepere/grandfather died and I was the only grandchild to not attend...
New outlets in Done drinking.
Instead of cutting I have moved on to slamming the back of my wrist against a hard surface. The back of my hand and wrist are all kinds of different colors at the moment. The drinking is the sam...
Sober would be nice in Done drinking.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=mkdF3z57lQI
Staying at our camp in Done drinking.
So I temporarily moved into our. Family camp/ cabin. Fullly functional for year round use. Only 5 miles from the house and horses. I. Can still go every 5 days and refill water tanks and put Hay ...
Shit in Done drinking.
So I have been struggling lately as of Monday last week my oldest brother was in congestive heart failure I personally was hoping he would fucking die he ruined my childhood and I still hate him ...
Bad in Done drinking.
I know things are getting bad when I order exactlyI know things are getting bad when I order X-Acto knife’s online. I don’t want to kill myself just cut
Ugh in Done drinking.
Having a bad night. Trying to get shit done around the barn before winter hits. Was planning on spreading manure on the pasture tomorrow that’s not going to happen. Apparently the riding lawnmowe...
I'm terrified to ride my horses :( in Pridesafiordilabbra
I’m out in the mountains of new Hampshire for 15 days. Brought 2 horses with me. Eddie the 6 year old and twitch my 15 year old mare for my nephew to ride this weekend. For the last 3 1/2 years ...
Not fun in Done drinking.
Having issues with trying to get sober. After the first day I start hear noises in my room sounds like mice chewing stuff around me. I turn on this YouTube video of so called sonic noises and run...
Ugh in Done drinking.
I want to cut so badly at the moment.
New puppy in Done drinking.
We have a new puppy in the house. Her name is cookie she is a chocolate lab. Just turned 8 weeks old she’s my nephew tramaynes new dog. My dog a soon to be 4 year old great dane has done well wit...
Drunk in Done drinking.
My FB might look good but for the most part I am fucked up. 2 day and and I finished off a bottle of bicardi 151 proof rum. Along with some 100 proof vodka. Really haven’t slept since Tuesday mo...
