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For two days now. And that's okay. I feel more dread when 5:15 comes, that he WILL call..and I don't really want to speak to him, especially since I'm pretty sure he's with someone else. So..he t...

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All I did was text happy birthday this morning. Got "ty " then nothing..feeling like he's with someone else and that's ok.

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F spent a lot of time on the phone with me on Thursday (birthday) probably to use up my cell minutes ...made an odd comment about not "sugarcoating " things...snarky remarks about telling hub he...

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Pretty quiet so far.. Day started with a 7:30 text from F. A later one followed to tease me about being "older" than him...for 3 days anyway..til his birthday on Sunday. Got lots of Facebook and ...

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F seems to be out of contact at the moment...(sigh)

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Had dinner with an old friend/ex coworker last night. She gave me a lot to think about.. Of course, starting with the usual, you have to end things with F. It's not fair to Hub, or to me, and why...

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And that didn't sit well with him..he was going to drive here to get me..which made Hubby freak...and I really felt physically awful...and I DID tell him that a good part of my making myself sick...

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Got so upset at the thought of going to t's that my stomach is acting up and I am nauseous and light headed...texted him that I'm not going...he made some comment about my health being more impor...

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Last night about weekend. Of course he's not happy, and had hoped that F was pissed at my not answering last and I wouldn't go. Well...F has called about 5 times during his day off today. Finally...

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F's calls...he'd texted (annoyingly) during the day and when he called -cell...then house..then cell..then texted that he'd tried BOTH phones..but my stomach is in knots over telling hub about ce...

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Yesterday F texted a few times..mostly to taunt hub - including the one hub saw that read, "He probably wears your bra and panties when you are not home." I shrugged and said, 'well, you shouldn'...

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F insisted he still wants a list from me of what I want for my upcoming birthday...So I wrote up one and emailed it to him just now..It really feels weird - against the order of the universe for ...

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He called again today..we talked for over an hour...no I really don't know what I'm doing...but it won't be like the last few months - Im hoping it will be like 6-7 years ago...when we saw each o...

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But that's nothing new. I guess yesterday's conversation was sort of a negotiation.... deciding to go back to our old status quo...where we are "friends" and "take care of each other's needs" as ...

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And we were on the phone over an hour...he is acting again like back in February,as I suspected he would when the mood swing went the other way. Talking again about sex...about how much he wanted...

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does not know how to let things go, does he? He just said, "haven't talked to you so I thought I'd check in." He talked for a bit letting me know about gardening work he's been doing, and that he...

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anything from him since last week, which is good. I read back over alot of online entries from 2003-4 and it is like the same thing over and over again. Also, the remark that sticks with me and h...

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Not a day I particularly like...sent the required card out to stepmother earlier this week, but that's it. My mother is long gone - didn't like her when she was around. And I never became one, so...

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Slept late-ish again ...another rainy cool day. Worked on a piece of furniture that I am staining ...have to strip the laquer finish first, so I did a test section. Then I worked on joint compoun...

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Slept in...it was cold and rainy. Did some minor house chores. Went out to dinner w. Hub to Outback.

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Another night of going to bed in tears....

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So..almost 5 pm..will he call? Will I answer? Do I want him to?

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So I'm thinking ...if F hadn't started this shit about a "real" relationship, we could've just gone back to how it was years ago...seeing each other when we could...having sex...no real strings ....

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So. F calls....acts like nothing is wrong or has changed. No acknowledgment of either email or text...makes general conversation but asks how I am doing. Is calm sounding for him..but not depress...

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I had sent F a text after the email, just saying I had SENT one (since he often doesn't check email). Have gotten no reply to either. So I guess he has done what he said he would have after I had...

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