nothispenelope
Entries 3,167
Page 91 of 127
it sure as hell puts....... in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i don’t have the energy to put a full title i haven’t lately. bc of my depression. last time it took 2 damn months only to have me be happy for a wk. anyway. it sure as hell puts all your other p...
something's telling me not to in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
trust her that is. and if something’s telling me not to then. i should go w/ that i personally think. and so right now i’m going to. cause if i do [trust her i mean] and it gets worse. well that ...
how am i supposed to trust her? in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
well. i’m not really. i don’t trust amber not to threaten me again bc well based on past experiences. she’s the one who’s or who was all about me being honest w/ her which i’m not that open a per...
well now i'm just depressed in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i know what to do about this, so. ‘well now i’m just depressed. which, well, i was before i mean i have clinical depression. but i had a wk. there before tues. where i was happy. that’s the most ...
<<<< it's start.......... in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
like i put in my last entry it’s starting to become real. i’m starting to see her for who she really is. well. my version of who she really is which. might not actually be who she really is. ambe...
it's start......... >>>> in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
it’s starting to become real. [more details in next entry]
so.fuking.fragile in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i’m so. fuking. fragile right now. and vulnerable bc of this. i can’t believe this fukin happened to me again i thought i was done w/ this. well that’s the problem is i think i am and then. yeah ...
i'll have to see her *violation thingy* in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so last time amber stopped by she said she’d call before she does again. well the only day she’d be able to stop by is mon. i think since she doesn’t work on thurs. and fri. again i think. and i’...
still fukin afraid. *amber/violation thingy* in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i’m still fukin afraid. to talk to her [‘her’ being amber]. i mean there’s me. not wanting to talk to people cause i’m shy/not v. verbally expressive/w/e. and then there’s. i’m so damn afraid to....
violation thingy again. just. in shock. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i um wow. i’m just. in shock. i.........i’m so detached.
on the violation front. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
ya know. in the past whenever i was violated in some way i never documented it. also it didn’t happen enough to be documented. and bc of that i didn’t feel it was bad enough to be documented. to ...
on the violation thing in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
again this is an awful feeling. i don’t know that i’m ok right now. bc of this. so basically as i might’ve mentioned. yesterday for a short period of time i felt like amber forced me into doing s...
this is an awful feeling. i wasn’t abused again but i was violated in terms of human rights. it was even confirmed yesterday by Alex. i. wow. i’ll write more about what happened w/ this later.
ptsd in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
my ptsd is. becoming more evident. i’ve gone.......there............the flashback. that about 4 times lately. on the 25th it’ll be 4 yrs. since my 2nd SA. sex abuse.
evan and i in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
we’re still good. he’s ok w/ the decision i made about us. when i asked him he said ‘yes’. last night he was agitated and starting to spike out. i knew it was coming i just. was disappointed caus...
so, yesterday. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so yesterday when i came back to my house steph informed me that amber wanted me to sign a paper stating that i wanteed alex to be my advocate. which isn’t a problem. here’s the thing: amber want...
um. the meeting. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i’m on my period so i’m forgetful. actually it’s been fairly easy. other than i’m hot and nauseous. but anyway. yeah so today. i had a meeting w/ alex my advocacy lady. yesterday i’d printed up a...
so much happened in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
even just today. i’m not even all caught up on all the other stuff yet. ok so i have news. i. am not moving. unless either i want to or steph and jenn are so done w/ me that they don’t know what ...
so i'm 28 now in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
wow it feels weird putting that. turned yesterday. it [my birthday] was really nice. low key and mellow and i like that. whenever people ask if their friend feels older i never knew what that me...
it's been. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
2.5 yrs. and 2 days since my best friend left us.
um. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
um................damnit. evan he. he’s far from perfect but he treats me like a queen. he’s sweet and funny and v. loving at times. he knows my past. he’s careful w/ me. so careful. in the physi...
evan he well he’s a little mentally off. he has depression and i don’t know what all else. you know how people like that are sometimes depicted in movies. yeah some people w/ mental disorders sca...
yeah so on um wed. i went to use the facilities at an eatery and. i came back and i said something to evan regarding the above er. yes the above quote/subject of this entry and he said that. righ...
it's almost my birthday in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
Mon. I’m 27 now, so..............i don’t want to say how old i’ll be cause i don’t like thinking about getting older. but regardless of how i feel about that i’m still really godamn lucky to be ...
i'm her. i'm. *her* er i was in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
omygod. evan is so incredibly sweet. so on tues. it was like we were a couple. wow. it was raining and we kissed [well i mean at my park] and there were more kisses. he was super physical. actual...
