nothispenelope
Entries 3,167
Page 89 of 127
in the words of the jackson 5. i feel like. w/ the move thing steph’s run out of chances to give. me. and maybe in a way she has. but at the same time if she really felt that way she would’ve. l...
shock relief sad uh oh in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
right so idk if i’ve mentioned this but when my mom i were out of the dental building she told me the news that i’m moving. and at first i was shocked. and then after a few hrs. i was relief. and...
um. more news. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i’m apparently moving. i don’t know when yet actually that’s on me. my new service coordinator has a few places in mind. oh yeah that’s my other bit of news i have a new........yeah.
infuriated as hell in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so. it’s been awhile since i’ve written about this but i vivldly remember doing it like it was yesterday. oh yeah that’s another thing about my memory. something that happened yrs. ago seems like...
evan stuff. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
we. well we didn’t talk today. or rather we haven’t. yet. um........i think he lost his new phone [again]. this seems to be a regular occurance. he does not have a good track record w/ phones. or...
i feel like i can't trust him. evan that is. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
as put. i feel like i can’t completely trust him. well and that’s bc well. i can’t. last night i. well i sent him this text broken up into............well 8 textmails: ‘i’m frustrated as hell. i ...
evan news. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
yeah so he called. and he’s spiking out again only this time he sounds sad. and that makes me sad. and i told him i wish there was something i could do and he’s like i wish there was something an...
so, evan news. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
he’s ok. well he’s better than he was last night. apparently what happened was he broke his phone and couldn’t get a new one untill today. yeah he called me almost an hr. ago [6:10 atm] and tol...
and now i'm worried. well fuk. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so the last thing evan said before hanging up was ‘i’m done’. and when he’s said that in the past he’s meant w/ everything. so i’ve called him. i’ve texted him and told him to please call or te...
so evan i in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
we’re still better but. he spiked out today and i dont’ completely get why. he.........it was bigger than usual. he started out by talking about. no well i called him after he’d called me and hun...
evan & i. again. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
we’re better. um. after sending him angry texts last night [wed.]. well we talked about some things. and um. i asked him if i deserve to be defended. and he said i do. which is one of the things ...
it's been. 10 yrs. kar - her. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
or it will be tom. since a friend of mine um left. us. um and though iit’s still sad and always will be i’m at a better place w/ this . i talked to my dr. about it and she helped. although now th...
i need to. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
get out of my situato. except i can’t bc it’s not in my control.to. i don’t want to put w/ amber anymore and i don’t want to give her a chance or any more time to hurt me. more than she already h...
evan & i in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
yes more on this. um. i’m at odds w/ him bc he’s not giving me exactly what i want. which is to. 1: agree w. me 2: tell me fuking verbatim that i don’t deserve to be treated this way. i’m referri...
and i'm backing out again. updateonthe amber thing. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
and more news. so sometime soon steph, jenn, amber, alex, nick, my mom and i are all going to have a meeting about this ebt thing. and nick wants me to say how i feel. which i mean is reasonable...
evan & i in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
um. so last night he calls. a few times. i’m busy so can’t answer. and then i call him back or he calls me idr. we only talk for 10 mins. he starts in w/ telling me he won’t or doesn’t want to or...
so...........evan stuff in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so last night at 10; 20 evan calls. he apologises for what happened earlier. he said something that he’d been mean or something. again my memory sucks so i get confused as to what went on. and u...
shifting the blame. on rape. *might trigger* in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
ya know. i was reading a reply to a post on a message board i’m a part of. have been a part of it for almost 10 yrs. anyway. and it said something about how when people who are raped blame oursel...
i wish i understood. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
‘so evan spiked out again. somewhat at me. i love him but my god.........if there was one thing i could change it would be that. like i don’t mind if he does it. solong as i don’t have to hear ab...
delicate ladies and rape in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
ya know. i’m a small lady. i’m delicate. [however i can also lift a 50lb. suitcase]. but that doesn’t. didn’t. give him an excuse to rape me. it’s not like ‘oh she’s small she won’t fight back’. ...
so roommate update in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
so apparently when we were on the phone last night evan’s roommate came back. which i either A: forgot or 2: didn’t know untill he told me today. so yeah it all worked out.
the car thing in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i learned about this in sociology. so basically for me. whenever something big happens i don’t do as well as i should w/ things. or i stop doing certain things. whenever there’s a change a big ch...
what if i wasn't? on rape. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
but i was i know i was. if i wasn’t............if i hadn’t been. i wouldn’t feel the way i do about it. i wouldn’t have flashbacks. or body memories. or the anger. i’m just in denial right now. a...
um. amber thing. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
i want. to have it out w/ amber. i want. to call her and tell her legally she’s not allowed to move me. that um. well basically i want todo to her what she did to me. no i don’t mean threaten her...
premed rape in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.
premeditated i mean. i don’t. know if it was or not the 2nd one. but apparently control is a form of violence and um rape is about control, so. that in turn makes it violent even though. mine was...
