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'Um. I don't know. I'm starting to go through stuff again. well i was starting to last week. And I don't want to talk about it. no well i do but only if the person doesn't say anythihg when I tal...

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'and inadaquecy.   Yeah that's how much I weigh apparently according to my boyfriend. Um. wow. No and that's not even like. 'fat. and neither am I. No bc I'm still tiny damnit. I don't even want ...

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'they're wrong. and cake.   Um. So, Matt was right when he told me that.............  thing about the thing that I was angry w/ James for. well that's helpful isn't it. when he - Matt - told me t...

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'.having time to think is............   and once again. Matt's right.   So.uh. We're back [on]. well not that we'd ever broken up - this time - but it felt like it was headed that way, from my en...

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'why but i'm trapped by your love and i'm chained to your side.   um. so. sososo.   Bc of the fact that I don't know Arvada well whenever we're there I don't understandably want to go off and get...

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'Ok so. Bc of recent health issues. The boyfriend and I havent been as physical-sexual-sensual as we could've been. First, almost 1 month ago the 25th of this month I sprained my ankle at his pla...

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Well. I don't have a job. But anyway. So this is the latest news. He wants a new job. He's been working at a Walgreen's in Wheatridge - yeah my bad. well I'm so used to thinking in terms of him l...

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'As put.   So. we have a plan. He's going to inform the people at his work he's quitting, although he has work today and tomorrow so he can't, you know. Be at work to work once he's quit. it's ei...

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'rivers. mtns. friends. the 2nd one. bed, place, ghosts. and fantasy. and cutting yourself off. and my triggers. and mtns.   Ok so. This time of yr is the perfect time to take photos. It's all so...

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'all coming back to me now.   It was around this time last year that: I told a friend I'd been rped. his response was 'omygod i'm so sorry'. That was Nov. 30 I started drinking in Nov. I met my b...

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'um. right, as put. it happened again. Ok so that makes it sound like it's new. It's been happening for.um...........half a yr now since April. Oh and by 'it' I mean my um. circus visits. But thi...

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'god so. um. idk where to begin. well that's not entirely true. So last Fri. the 26th I went to the bar's Halloween party. I was wearing this corset thing and a miniskirt which I'd made shorter. ...

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'Yeah so he got here at midnight30 last.........um........Tues. and it's now 7 a.m. the following Monday. morning. [obviously morning]. It's been nice, for the most part. Over the weekend we had ...

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'So yeah. the other day we talked and he said he knows when I say I want to end us it's just bc I'm scared. well i mean yes and no. I'm scared to lose him and yet i'm scared to be w/ him. not bc ...

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'um so obviously from the title i've been having PTSD moments lately. Last night and the one before I erm. 'visited the circus' as it were. and then we smoked. Along w/ that came um. nausea/quesi...

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'>......./triggers/hangovers. E Um.yeah. currently 9:40 p.m.   Right so I didn't have a good day. We got back from the bar between 1:15 and 2 this morning. I'd gotten drunk the night before ha...

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'Ok so I'm now more able to think clearly. Um yeah so the other morning I was obliterated as hell. I destroyed my living room, kitchen, bathroom, a bit of the hall. Meaning I took stuff off the t...

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'here's what's going on.and sleep thing/depression/ptsd/schizo/anorexia/alcoholism/be sad all day/afraid of not being taken care of/self sabotage/pushing people away pretty good handle/maybe my r...

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'So we had another fight. We were in bed the other day it might've been yesterday. I was pulling his hair and he turned around and did the same to me but I still wouldn't stop. And so he says "do...

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'So last Thurs. I was hungover. don't remember how I was Fri. Sat. I wasn't good. it was snowy and gray and fukin cold. and yes i was out in it. at the store. Sun. I was actually ok. Yesterday I ...

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'no not the show.   This is our new normal now. Me, living in fear of him. we haven't had any fights since. And I haven't been destructive since. No bc apparently if I am towards him that's his r...

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'how we can go on loving the people we love even when they've somehow wronged us. or even being friends w/ them. I love him. ya know? i still love him. and it's not like it's a constant thing of ...

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'So he's out of work. he's been out of work for awhile about 2 wks. And he's been scared bc he doesn't know what's going to happen moving forwards. Ok makes sense. And maybe that's another reason...

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'misinformed.   Ok so I was in the wrong. I kept pushing him. But I would never dig up something from someone's past and use it against them. ever. and i'm better than he is for that. And so I wa...

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'>......makes me feel like Cleopatra. our routine/threaten the promise of rpe and my decision/confessions of a muffin queen/holiday/thanksgiving/family stuff.   So around 3 this morning [curre...

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