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Page 111 of 127

yes. exactly. um. in a sense. that's why I don't change is cause I don't want to deal. like w/ my anorexia. and other. things.

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the sex abuse. like I said I've been sleeping a lot. um. so when I woke up again at around 9 I was. well pretty shaken up. that's the 6th dream I've had and usually I don't uh. i'm not shaken up...

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but I've also not been feeling well, so. anorexia stuff and i'm drained as hell right now. it's currently 7:05 p.m. I sleep at least 2x a day now I have the last. wk. or so. like so today I slep...

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holy ef. yeah so I just had one an hr. ago the 2nd of the day. I had the other at 2 a.m. that's like the 6th I've gotten since May. I got them in HS only I didn't know what they were it was just...

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yeah so. um. the tall guy. Jared [he really is he's 6'9". he's Nicole's husband]. he triggers me. Like he's a nice guy and he seems cool but he. like he comes off as gruff and not v. warm. his si...

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and now in other news. right so as put. I really need to stop apologising. I've been doing this a lot lately. after months of not. well I do it more often than not. it's an anxiety thing. and an...

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or rather I keep having the same dream about it's recurring. involving my ex and my r**ist. I've had this 4 or 5 times. you'd think by now it would've upset me. and weirdly it's not.

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yeah sso i'm back. er I didn't go anywhere I've just not written a public entry in what seems like awhile. wow this summer went by fast. it doesn't feel quite like summer cause other than when I'...

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so. right. i'm angry. like I said almost 2 yrs. ago this coming dec. it'll be 2 yrs. since I was last sexually abused. and i'm just so angry about it. for a few reasons. bc although I did somet...

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so um. I've been keeping the entries about my anorexia [and my drinking] private [actually this isn't new] but something's been happening lately that's scared me. so. Here's the latest. well a ...

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i'm not quite sure why but I've been sad lately. like. the past. 2, 3 days.

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'Currentlly: knackered, drained Current Time: 1:35 a.m. Currently Spinning: Adele, 21   omygod. things have been so. insane lately. On Wed. just as I was going to the store early that afternoon J...

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'today's not going much better [and]. not that yesterday was [all that] great [either]. So, it snowed. overnight, apparently. i crashed between 7 and 8 last night and was mostly asleep when James...

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'and now for Part 4. the last part. Part 4. cooking.   So as we all know I don't cook. I mean I can I just. don't. and ya know what? i'm really ok w/ that. I don't really want to either. I've sur...

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'why i'm so opposed to this/people overload/anorexia. So, apparently.This Sat., James, Max, Jasmine [who apparently is Mexican] and I are going to see The Lorax. When James [he was quite drunk at...

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''this morning being yesterday a.m. v. early. *Lou's wife being Sara   'so. i'm confused. i'm in recovery again. This morning when James had pizza he handed some to me and was like 'here. eat'. ...

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'>......exit. relapse. love. grandmother. Warning: Fairly Worrisome No Advice   again. copied from an email and edited: 'So, on the one hand, I want to leave him. bc upon thinking about it.......

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'fuk. i'm worried about us. [ok so slight off note, but.........i'd get blazed, which helps. although it's sunny out and i never get blazed when it's sunny. nor do i drink when it's sunny. or cut...

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'so earlier today [currently 6:40 p.m.] he phones. we talk. he told me to please not do that to him and/or to do it as little as possible. oh 'that' being uh....................................no...

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'well. more of the symptoms are presenting themselves 3 more. 8........er, '8'. wow...........and that has nothing to do w/ this entry. [i'm blazed right now]..............wow.just.wow. Currently...

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'>........i've gotten. No Advice   and. popsicles, incense & smoothies. & fevers warmth reactions.   so.   Currently: 10:50 p.m.   As put.   I'm finally starting to see how sick I've g...

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'ok so I know I wrote part of this earlier this a.m. and then evidently crashed from 4 - 8:55 a.m. so didn't finish the entry. so a bit of a repeat.entry. ' ........but that's. not good. [so, obv...

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'Ok onto Part C Part C: Communication/right up front instead of waiting   I'm not the greatest w/ communication. In fact that's how I communicate. is I don't. I'm an avoider. a runner. an escapis...

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'Part B: the lesser of 2 evils/all or nothing ok, so. It's always been an all-or-nothing deal. I either eat and deal w/ emotional shit or I............don't eat and don't. It's either complete ph...

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'selfishness. 14:  no sick w/ parents, 16: cooking/pots/knives   Part A: it's so frustrating. he doesn't get it. not as much as I want him to [yes well does anyone. i'm making a point not asking...

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