Entries 3,167

Page 107 of 127

rapists I mean. a lot of them. they chose to rape us. [I mean some don’t. some might not have much of a choice. i’m 70 - 90% sure the first guy didn’t]. and that’ll really fuk you up. but we don’...

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ya know. ...............um fuk. I think the fact that I can verbalise ‘I was raped 10 yrs. and 2 days ago’ holds a lot of power. not ‘I was hurt’ or ‘it’ or ‘violated’. no it’s ‘rape’ all 4 lette...

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it’s been 10 yrs. since I was raped. [oct. 14 2004]. um. idk. i’m finally starting to put it together. when.....when it happened I didn’t know what it meant. I knew it hurt and my body knew somet...

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or I think I do. I just don’t like it. if she’d told me instead of telling my er my I mean our parents. er. I mean if she’d told me prior to telling them. I wouldn’tv’e done anything. I wouldn’t’...

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ya know. I love her and she’s a great person but I resent her. my sister. all her life she’s always had everything come so easily to her. she’s never had to work for anything the way I have. othe...

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so. like I said I looked it up online and vicodin addiction is linked to childhood abuse. yeah um. [well that makes sense. people who have been abused in some way often abuse certain uh substance...

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yeah so I talked to my mom about it and here’s what it is. vidocin. is basically heroin + opium [actually apparently heroin is made from opium, so] + um. morphine. [actually I know all this from ...

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ya know. when my maternal grandmother died. I cried. I got upset the days before it happened. we all knew it was going to at some point we just weren’t sure when. she’d been in hospice for 2 yrs....

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sorry if this is obvious. but..........how do I find my books on here? I know that certain entries are saved in certain books but how do I get to those books is what i’m asking.

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well. I don’t ‘have’ to I do have a choice here. and i’m not obligated to. I know. why she left. I know. why i’m angry. and shocked. and frankly well disappointed. that she didn’t try harder. so...

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend the one who. left. 10 yrs. ago. I think when someone passes we’re always angry. this is based on experience. I mean. I was 11 the last time I saw her, as ...

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so like. 2 wks. ago I purged. in the bathroom of bed bath beyond. I like purging there it’s so. quiet and still. oh and the library. [er not that i’ve purged there but it’s also so quiet and stil...

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ya know. my friend who. um left. she’s so far away that absolutely nothing can touch her. no one can hurt her. [but she’s also not here to hurt, so]. and I. I want that. not um not leaving. but t...

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um. so this whole. thing w/ my friend’s uh. leaving. brings up a whole host of issues for me. it’s not just the way she went. [of, her own accord]. it’s that they ignored her. and also i’m pretty...

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since uh. my friend. left of. her own accord. it’ll be on the 3rd. and on the 14th it’ll be 10 yrs. since um. I was raped. and on the 13th. my friend will have been 27. the one mentioned above. a...

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so yesterday. as usual I created drama. between 4 and 5 p.m. I came out of my room and told stephanie I wasn’t going to my moms tomorrow [which is now today] but I was going wed. when she asked m...

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yeah so. i’m still not allowed to go anywhere by myself when i’m at my house. not even to the damn park which is but 10 mins. away. like i’m not even allowed to take access-a-ride to the store. l...

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that’s one of the things Pat was really good at was being compassionate. he was one of the most compassionate people I ever knew. which apparently he really made an effort to be which I didn’t re...

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I usually don’t watch ‘survivor’ as I prefer to watch other shows. and also my TV’s not working. but my parents were watching it and I was there waiting for the bus, so. yeah but so the tribes we...

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I kept waking up hrly. this a.m. so when it went off I knew it was. going off but I let them think i’d been asleep and not heard it since that way it’s more understandable and they’ll go easy [ie...

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I just want more than 2 days where nothing new happens. yeah so on Mon. which was the............uhm.........oh the 22nd [wow really? it’s been a long wk.] Christopher spiked out. he’s usually fu...

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um. so like..........uh...........fri. a.m. I think it was my fave bartender [not that I know a whole lot esp. not since I’ve moved] got at me on fb. just to see how I was. which I didn’t expect ...

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btw I know his side of things so don’t tell me. [sorry. i’m not in good company atm]. yeah so. like a wk. ago um. I was in my room on my computer not doing much of anything. and Kenny one of the ...

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so. i’ve been talking to stephanie about stuff. which means there’s someone else in the circle I’ve been talking to. and she has good intentions but. we’re just different people. she’s a naturall...

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yeah so on...........fukin...........Mon. after the meeting Stephanie and I did the inventory. [which. I always say as ‘invent-tur-ry’ as opposed to. uhm the other way. well it’s not spelt ‘invin...

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