Entries 3,167

Page 106 of 127

I know i’m only presuming here. but a part of me’s like oh it’s so easy for them to care. but not me. it’s like I actually have to put effort. into caring doesn’t seem like they do. and I don’t e...

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so. I’ve known I have ptsd since college. that’s not new. I jut as put didn’t understand all of it until now. if we - we being my last therapist and i - talked about it at all I don’t remember it...

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I had this long insightful intelligent entry typed up then I accidently closed the internet. er I mean the window thing. [‘closed the internet’ ok i’m a bit knackered]. since i’m too knackered to...

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ssso I’ve been reading over the entries from thissss ssssummer. and. idk. although I care about evan I don’t care as much about him as I used to and I think that’s bc my depression’s worsened but...

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so ever since. idk wed. maybe I’ve had what I refer to as ‘broken sleep’. like on idk wed. I woke up at 7 a.m. then again at 8 maybe 9 then 10...........and then I go back to sleep until um. 3. t...

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so I’ve been watching ‘weeds’. online. it’s funny. I stopped watching cause I don’t like season 2 as much as season 1. the mom was saying how something about sometimes she wonders what it’d be li...

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i’ll probably be repeating myself here. the 25th was a. thurs. when we had the fire drill yeah that was fun. um.............my mom had a show on sun. the 28th that was nice. and then on wed. the....

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yeah so last wk. started out awesome. I got sick. I think it wasss a cold or something. it lasted until yesterday. then in the middle of the wk. I got my period. and then got sick again. felt bet...

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so again they know. well Hannah does anyway. and again while I didn’t come right out and say i’m an alcoholic. um. I eluded to it. from what I recall she knows I used to drink a lot and she knows...

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the other day Hannah and I were talking about drinking and I said something about how a lot of times people do it as a result of. ‘um, trauma’. I didn’t say me but um. that’s pretty much the dire...

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ya know that’s the weird thing. though. is the last...........the last guy. he never physically hurt me or if he did I was too drunk/stoned to feel it. well I mean the other 2 [the rape from when...

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so. the. bar...........2 yrs. ago. winter................yeah. I, was drunk. well, i’m, usually drunk at the bar. 2 of my friends bought me a white Russian each. then. I think he [the guy who. di...

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happy belated Halloween.

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ya know. almost 2 yrs. ago when he...........when it happened he hurt me at least twice. but I mean. it didn’t hurt. at all. he didn’t fully penetr*te me. [that’s not why I took plan b]. I didn’t...

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on the last. one. the bar winter..................2 yrs. ago. [well almost]. so the night it happened. 2 yrs. ago when we got back to my place I sseduced him. only to have him........do.............

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um so. the body memories were at a 1, 2 for a few days. I’ve had 3. yesterday again I woke up crying and really emotional and over tired. I don’t remember dreaming about the rape but I always hav...

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ya know. copied from my fb: ‘I think that. I want people to be as upset as I am about the things that have happened to me. of course it’s hard when I don’t talk about those things much or when I ...

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sso obviously i’m in denial here. whichmy friend didn’t get. I wasn’t raped I couldn’t’ve been. people like me don’t get raped. lovely people don’t get raped. it’s like it didn’t stop my entire w...

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no. they don’t rape you bc you’re pretty. they do it in spite of that. and no one rapes the willing. that’s another thing that makes it what it is. apparently when he and i’d talked about sex I d...

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ya know. for the longest time I didn’t take cabs. like when I was living in FL. that was 2 yrs. after. and I didn’t tell anyone why but I don’t think I was in a good enough place to. be able to. ...

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so like I said. I bled. [I was also on my period at the time]. I bled at least 1 cup if not 2 which wouldn’t have that big a thing if it hadn’t been what it was. if it hadn’t been rape. um. after...

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the weirdest thing to me. isn’t that I was raped that day. it’s that. where the hell was my coat? it was. 40 - 60 degrees that day so surely I would’ve had one. I always have a coat. he wasn’t. ...

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i’m just. in shock. I told evan last night via phone [oh yeah I have evan news]. well i’d already told him the story of the last one which I refer to ‘the thing in winter............the bar........

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so. when I........when it [the rape i mean] happened I felt trapped and I think part of that’s bc I didn’t realise I wasn’t. I was so. in the middle of being frozen w/ fear that I didn’t think ‘o...

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so. I feel like if someone says they were sexually abused it’s less serious than if they say they were raped. [and yes they aren’t defined as the same thing] though I could be wrong. I mean you d...

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