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I was supposed to do some homework for counseling. I did, a little. But, like i usually feel when i don’t know what’s expected of me..... i am incredibly anxious about this assignment. In my prev...

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So, i sit here while my poor students are taking the dreaded state test. Most are have a very long ways to go before they are done. I feel for them. You would be surprised at how stressed out the...

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Today in counseling we talked about what it means to be in “emotional control” and what it would look like if i were not in control. The truth is, i cannot really articulate it. I have never had ...

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I had a rideshare for my trip to and from the hotsprings this weekend. It was a nice kick in for gas money, plus we got along famously. While we were talking and sharing our (oh-so) similar life ...

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I love myself unconditionally. I will be free from the emotional walls and patterns that have served me in the past, but are no longer useful. I love myself unconditionally. I do not need the con...

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I spent two nights at a wonderful piece of hippie heaven, Breitenbush hot springs. It is the same place I visited right after I broke up with Kevin. Synchronously, I came home from my second visi...

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Can you imagine that a person would say this to someone they love? I know it is out of context, but i am not sure whether it is ever acceptable. I am going to recount a conversation (fight?) Kevi...

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That’s it. Part of it, at least. I have this hyper self awareness. I know myself very, very well. The reasons why, the triggers, motivations, consequences. Etc etc. My counselor mentioned that so...

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I am going to try and write an entry, but i am not sure i can get much out. I had another intense counseling session, though i am not as emotionally devastated as i was previously. Still, we are ...

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I am laying here on my tummy, listening to Kevin make spaghetti for dinner. I will never regret leaving the tense atmosphere and negativity. I came back from picking up coffee and the music was ...

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Often my titles are lyrics or song titles. Sometimes they have relevance to my topic. Currently i am listening to a couple albums that have had significant emotional significance in the past- mo...

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Yesterday was hard. Coming to work, i felt like a big open wound, as if anything was going to make me break down, fall apart. On top of the intense counseling on Tuesday, my sleep has been poor. ...

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I know my last entry was a bit heavy. To balance it out, I have news: I am traveling to Turkey this summer! It has been on my list of destinations for years! I am adventurous, but have been afra...

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Not much time to write, since i have a grade level chair meeting this morning at 7:30. I had a pretty intense counseling session yesterday. It left me shaky. I have to leave in a minute, but want...

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“..... keep telling us that they’re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it’s hard! Especially when it’s something they might not want to hear.” I took that from a website i am perusi...

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I had some odd dreams over the weekend. First: i can face my soul in the end.... can you? Second: police abuse of power (i had two drinks last night, how can my blood alcohol be enough to hold m...

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I may or may not make sense as i talk. Lately an amorphous “emotion” or set of emotions have been building up inside of me. I have tried to sit with it (but that is always hard, because one wants...

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Monday back from school was tough. I couldn’t sleep well that night because my stomach was full from taking myself out for a nice dinner in Portland. I was emotionally raw and paranoid and anxiou...

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With spring break coming to an end, I am: -grateful -anxious -sad -confused -satisfied .............on a precipice......... looking everywhere, but somewhat bemused by gazing downward. You know, ...

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I know shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I feel guilty because I am going to Eugene to get pedicures with a friend and to enjoy myself and get treated well by someone who appreciates me. I did ...

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The soundtrack to the past couple weeks has been a Minneapolis based alt-hip hop band, Atmosphere. This album is permeating my dreams and seeped into my brain cells as i accomplish day-to-day act...

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There is not a lot to say, except that i want to write. Maybe i will come back when i have a few. Get some relief. Cry a little.... which is something i have not done much of. I feel like i cried...

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Kevin is still living with me and it has been a little strange. He is currently saving money to move, even though we haven’t spoken about what his plans are and what his timeline looks like. But,...

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A part of the self care i promised with my therapist and self, was to write more often. So, changes are a-comin’. My application for Bellingham schools is 100% complete. I am excitedly looking f...

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I have decided to move back to Bellingham, which means leaving Kevin. I have never felt such a dichotomy of lightness of being and happiness, along with a dread of impending devastation. I know t...

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