youjusd0ntkn0
“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories
Entries 101
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Happy Birthday Aries. in Musings
Happy Birthday to me… There are so many things wrong with the fact that I’m living in Puerto Rico right now… My mom and sister aren’t here and I FaceTimed with them at 7 AM as they both sang (off...
I Love You My Mother's Land. in Musings
I’ve been in Puerto Rico for so long and it’s hard to acclimate to the culture here for me. I’m not Puerto Rican enough to fit in. I mean it’s nothing that I haven’t experienced because I’m too ...
Puerto Rico, submission, no condoms and whatever in Musings
Yaniel and I are in Puerto Rico… It’s horrible here… it’s so sad and depressing seeing all these houses with blue tarp over there rooftops… His family was devastated by the hurricane and he had t...
“You know what’s crazy about you, bro?” I could hear the question in the distance “you mad pretty, and niggas glad that you dead in my lap and they got what you had!” And it might of been a hallu...
maybe toxic in Musings
HE DOESN’T FUCKING GIVE A FUCK! and i like that in a way.... “Papi you paid that tax bill?” he says sweetly. “No” I replied “Fuck that bill” I replied. and he looks at me stunned. “Aight. That’s...
Despacito/Slowly in Musings
I went out to this mostly Latino and Black party tonight and I always feel out of place at these events. I’m not Latino enough for the Latino’s and when I go out to white people parties, I’m not ...
Love. the simplest kind of insignificant type of love is what i can give. it doesn’t make any sense what love i give to you. it’s small it’s insignificant. but in my world that’s all i can give. ...
Imprints of you. in Musings
I don’t know what it is. Maybe, it’s the lingering of the sandalwood in his cologne, which has imprinted on my sheets. Maybe, it’s the callous texture of his hands as he caresses the softest piec...
the shenanigans of the Ex in Musings
Why don’t you do right? Like some other men do? Happy fucking New Year Alex. Of course you’re dirty ass, cheap imitation of me, would spot me out in the crowd and at 12:42 AM, he approaches me an...
Dear Ex-Boyfriend and/or Husband in Musings
Dear Ex-Boyfriend and/or Husband, I could never blame you for how weak and asinine I am. However, I can say that you have made me into the man I am today— the man that can form cohesive thoughts,...
Fifty Shades of Homosexual Debauchery (NC-17, X-Rated) in Musings
I’ve been on these pills that are ‘suppose to’ make me happy and cope with my depression and anxiety. I feel like either they numb me from life and I exist in a haze or they completely make me th...
Good-bye Best Friend. in Musings
Six-thousand-seven-hundred-forty-two dollars… The amount of money that I paid to have my pet to be eventually euthanized. Money is not a fucking option…I had him checked by private vets and shit...
Anxiety collapse. in Musings
I am seeing a psychiatrist. Who for some reason has given me a vial of klonopins for my anxiety and also has prescribed anti-depressants. Both of which taunt me on my dresser drawer next to the t...
interesting rambles and tons of memories. in Musings
“why do you want to go back home to the ghetto with your mom?” Alex said. “BECAUSE I FUCKIN’ NEED TO!” I said drunkenly. “Babe, but you have a nice place and she lives so far away” he said grabbi...
Happy Anniversary. in Musings
Happy Anniversary Alexander. Thank you for the orchids… But we’re done… Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I loved you? It’s too fucking late… I made amends with you. I let ...
Welcome To My Rant. in Musings
you that runs from the light, follow darkness like a dream. here’s my new apartment. i didn’t want anyone to stay with me. I felt like I could do it on my own, but the first sign of scary… I cal...
Rest in Bliss Baby Girl. in Musings
My thoughts to you Sir Tyler as I knew you first… and then Miss Tyler as I knew you last. As Frida Kahlo said “I hope the exit is joyful, and I hope never to return again” Because this world is f...
A Letter to Cocaine in Musings
Dear Cocaine, Hi, I’m one of the thousands of millions of people you inhabit. I know your power, however, I know that you’re weak within me if I only have you… Because I’m addicted to the by-prod...
The Night of One Thousand Dollars. in Musings
One of my best friends is getting married, Gerry. She’s on this weird, obsessive diet and exercise regimen that has left all of us in the dust. I mean I exercise and eat well, with the occasion...
My mother set me up with a boy. in Musings
I have never experienced any of this because my mother kicked me out of my house for being gay at 14 and I lived in a homeless shelter for about 3 months, until my sister found me and I lived wit...
Ranting on Everything. in Musings
If you want the jist of it TL;DR I started talking about a boy. I talked about my success which I devalue, then about making art with an addictiong, then going to college, my professor and mentor...
Messy Bitches Get the Shit-end in Musings
When you find out the business that you invested in is a fucking thieving money scam… The thing about the managers I’ve hired and the owner above me is that they think that I’m just a crazy boy...
The Book of Secrets. in Musings
the little blue pills are for anxiety. the little white oblong pills are for sleeping. the little vial full of white is for partying. the room is spinning because the green bottle is half empty. ...
I'm Puerto Rican, you don't cross me twice. in Musings
As white-washed and middle-class as I am… I’m still a fucking Puerto Rican, ghetto project bitch. You fuck me over once, I promise you that you won’t meet that same bitch the second time around. ...
Beat me the hell out of me, I'm Superman. in Musings
my mother told me to my face, “you’re fucking wealthy and your fucking poor as shit” it’s roughly translated from Spanish. Alex was confused about it when I spoke to him about it. Which is expec...
